Feb. 2014

I guess I'm just trying to take this the best way that I can.
It's having a great day and ending up alone on the floor of your best friends room, while your favorite songs play downstairs. And I can hear everyone whispering that this always happens. This always happens and I'm thinking that I should quit drinking because everyone knows I don't need an extra depressant in my life. I'm not like everyone else after they have a few drinks. They embrace the good. They feel good. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm living on a roller coaster lately, and my drastic highs and lows are freaking me out. I think I just need some stability. I think I know that you'll always be here for me, but I'm still afraid to fully believe that. I'm not sure I can trust anyone and now not even myself. You just have to get up and face everything. Don't let them win. Don't apologize for being drunk and sad and letting it out. Try and take lying alone on that floor as a good thing. I don't want to lose myself like that anymore. I know why this is happening and I know why it's pissing all my friends off. When I was younger, you cry about something and then it's done. I have to stop crying. I can't change most of what I'm crying about. I'm getting over the embarrassment of last night faster because the sun is shining through my window. I'm sick of winter and I'm sick of being cold and I'm sick of dry, cracked skin over my knuckles. Just try and focus on the sun. Keep writing, drink some lemon water, and try to get back to a better state of mind.