Transitioning Problems.

I know I won't be allowed to yet, and honestly, I think it would be best if I hang on for a while.

I'm British, so I think I'll get hormones and surgeries free - if I go by the NHS. There are several problems with this:

1. The Government will deny this, but waiting lists are very long. Gender Dysphoria isn't as serious as breast cancer, and I can see myself waiting months (and everytime it looks likely I'll just get pushed back again) for top surgery. If anything goes wrong - my nearest hospital is an hour away in good traffic.

2. Mental treatment for under 18s seems to be 'let's convince this kid it's just a phase.' It probably isn't, but that's the way the NHS website is making it look. For over 18's it looks like 'let's patronise you until you hate yourself.'

3. I think I remember something in Biology about not being able to take Hormones as a tablet or capsule? Can anyone clarify that? I am terrified of injections...

4. The only specialist in the whole country is in London... A good four/five hour journey away. My GP doesn't offer any counselling, so that's another hour's drive at least.

5. My parents still don't believe me, and I doubt they'll support me when it hits them. I think it'll be very 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

6. If I bypass the NHS - I sacrifice University and my dreams of moving to France and owning a French Bulldog named Quaxo the Tuxedo Dog. But I also skip a lot of queues and stuff.

7. My doctor is pretty cool. If I do get an appointment (chances are it'll take several attempts) I'll be waiting for like, two weeks.

8. I haven't yet come out. I've told parents and several close friends who don't really get it - but i'm going to college very soon. I want to change my name in the summer break before college. That's when I have to start opening up about my issues. Even if I only tell the people I trust, I don't believe it'll be a good reaction. And it'll get out...

9. My parents will probably want grand kids. I'm betting on my brother being gay (not to make him seem stereotypical... But honestly,) so doesn't seem to be any more littluns there. I am going to adopt, but they probably wouldn't appreciate that as much as me pushing one out meself.

10. I haven't got the guts to stand up for myself and make these things happen. I can't correct people when they get my name wrong, I can't correct their pronouns. I know one day I will snap and just get ballistically angry and then everyone will hate me...

11. When I speak to strangers, I speak in a very high pitched tone. I didn't realise until I went out to dinner with my friend's parent's friends. This is out of habits, it'll be very difficult to overcome.

12. I'm 5". Very thin, nothing under my skin except bone. I don't think I can do anything to grow taller or at least make myself appear taller.

That's it I think. I wanna know if any of you have/had problems like this, and how you overcame them. It's been bothering me a lot and I've been getting upset by the littlest of things. I'm pretty sick of pretending, pretending to be a girl so that my society can continue on in it's happy ignorance.

-Christian Monroe x