How it works is that you read certain scenarios off of a green card, and then answer either with a lie or the truth, based on a red card you’re supposed to pick up.
So we were reading through these green cards and we kept getting these weird questions. One of them had something about if a man showed up saying he was CIA and needed your phone (question 25); my sister immediately wondered how old this game was. And by the picture, I think it’s safe to say that this game wasn’t recent.
1986. The game was from 1986. We were playing a game that is 28 years old.
Some of the questions were just so wrong, and weird, that I was like, “I should really make a blog about this.” My sister was going to post it on Tumblr as well, so if you do see this there, yeah.
So without further ado, here are a lot (but definitely not all) of the questions, and the sarcastic responses from the peanut gallery.
1. Someone sends an anonymous letter claiming to have nude pictures of you. They demand money or a public display will be made. Do you pay?
That depends. Are they at least tasteful?
2. Have you ever wished you were a member of the opposite sex?
Five days out of the week. Seriously.
3. You are a senior in high school. A very attractive teacher asks you for sexual favors in return for an “A”. Do you report to the principal’s office, or to the teacher’s office?
My sister posed this question with the wrong intonation and I just could not decipher what she was saying. I looked at her like she had three heads.
4. You are at a party when someone exclaims, “I hate homos, don’t you?” You are a closeted gay. What do you say?
I would exclaim right back at him, “I am gay, let me tap that!” while pointing at him.
5. Are you turned on by “kinky” underwear?
To which we both responded with “What the fuck is ‘kinky’ underwear?” Lingerie? I think not. When we got our power back, we looked it up. Two words, Banana Hammock. Just look it up.
6. Have you ever “cat-called” an attractive person?
Yes, every morning when I wake up and use the bathroom, as well as telling myself that “I’m the prettiest princess in all the land.” (If you get that reference, please comment!)
7. You are falling in love with someone who has very strict morals about premarital sex. Will you admit to your lover that you are not a virgin?
I believe it is best to quote a woman from an episode of Botched: “My vagina was probably able to heal so quickly because it’s used to the pounding.”
8. A casual friend in high school becomes a major celebrity. Do you make contact?
Is he an alien from outer space or something?
9. Would you tan nude in a tanning booth?
That’s like asking if I want herpes.
10. Would you take the beautiful class “slut” to a public dance?
This is how old this game is! It was okay to casually call a beautiful woman a slut.
11. Your sister is a real loser. She is thrown in jail. Do you bail her out?
Well she’s a loser. She obviously did something stupid to get in there in the first place.
12. You have a chance almost risk free to make $30,000 is a drug deal. You don’t have to be personally involved. All you have to do is make your home available for one weekend. What’s your answer?
I would make sure there is a paper trail of me being out of the state if I were to say yes.
13. You find your child’s private diary. You didn’t even know there was one. So you open it to read “just one page”?
To which my sister responded sarcastically with, “No…. I would read all of them.” But seriously why would I want to read my child’s diary? I don’t have a need to. Your privacy is your privacy.
14. Your thirteen-year-old son wants to pierce one ear. “That’s the style,” he says. What do you say?
He’s thirteen. Maybe when he’s sixteen or eighteen.
15. Your fifteen-year-old son wants to date a thirty-two-year-old woman. What do you say?
Ah hell no. That’s pedophilia.
16. Your sixteen-year-old daughter wants to date a forty-five-year-old man. What do you say?
Ah hell no. That’s pedophilia.
17. Did you ever sample your parent’s liquor cabinet as a child?
As a child? Oh you mean when I was ten? No.
18. You find a “Playgirl” magazine in your daughter’s room. Do you bring up the subject?
First off, why would you be snooping through her shit? And second, yes, only to get her the good stuff. (Just kidding.)
19. Your spouse admits to you that he / she is gay. What do you say?
This is based on a hetero relationship obviously. If not, well you’re screwed.
20. Are you self-conscious about going to the bathroom when someone might hear you?
Do girls have this irrational fear of taking a dump when others are around? Like, Heaven forbid you girls know other girls have to shit.
21. You are asked to pose nude for a prominent national magazine. The pay is $10,000 for a few days’ work. Do you take the job?
Again, are they tasteful?
22. Have you ever gone to work without wearing underwear?
No, but Alex Gaskarth has. Lots of girls were very happy after that. (Could you imagine what they told their parents? “Daddy, daddy! I saw Alex Gaskarth’s d**k!!”)
23. Should a woman’s job be guaranteed if she takes a leave of absence from work because of pregnancy?
Remember, this was 1986.
24. Your next door neighbor will be out of town for two weeks and asks if you would collect his mail while he’s gone. On the second day, you find some pornographic material in his mail. Do you look at it?
Oh totally. Then I’d bring it up to him all suave like, “You’ve got a great taste in porn, man.”
25. A strange man comes to your door. You are alone. He is in a panic. He claims to be with the CIA and he needs to make a phone call that is a matter of life and death. Do you let him in?
This is a perfect time to say, “Stranger Danger.” And also, he would have had a car phone or something on him. He’s the CIA! Plus he wouldn’t have disclosed that he was CIA.
26. You are stranded on a desert island with your spouse and your mother. Malaria sets in and only one shot of serum is available. Who takes the shot?
“Me. Me. Me. Me. And me,” my sister said. “I’m going to save myself!”
27. You are visiting your grandmother who lives alone. You are very surprised when you stumble across a stack of porno magazines in the house. Do you mention it to her?
Oh totally. Then I’d say something like, “So, Grandma, I see you’re into fetish-gear. Did you used to whip Grandpa?”
28. You are offered $1,000 to be in a porno film. Your face will not be seen. Do you do it?
My mother called as we asked that and she joked, “Right now? Oh totally!”
29. You find a used condom in the back seat of your son’s car. Do you confront him?
First, I would congratulate him on getting some and being safe about it. Then I would harass him.
30. You find a used condom in the back seat of your daughter’s car. Do you confront her?
Again, congratulate about safe sex, and then harass.
31. For $1,000,000 — would you make love to a little green midget who has a wart on its nose?
Why’d he green, first of all?
32. The fifteen-year-old daughter or son of a friend comes on to you. Do you inform the parent?
Well, duh. That would be creepy of me not to.
33. You know the best restaurant in town is owned by the mafia. Do you eat there anyway?
Well, duh! They have the best food. But you just have not to piss off the mafia!
34. Would you date someone of a different race?
This game was secretly racist. Again, this was the late 80’s.
35. Have you ever paid for sex?
Haha, nope.
36. Male: Would you date a woman nine inches taller than you?
Female: Would you date a man nine inches shorter than you?
Nine inches. They would come up to my collar bone. That would include Prince, Kevin Hart, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Lady Gaga, Ellen Page, Danny DeVito, Reese Witherspoon, or Jada Pinkett Smith. Maybe.
37. Should sex education be taught in schools?
Um, yes. How is this still a question? It’s 2014. Even with states who only teach abstinence, kids need to know all about sex, and STDs, and STIs, even when they’re married.
38. You are female. Your best friend is temporarily living with you while awaiting her divorce. One evening at dinner she confides in you that her marriage fell through because she is in love with you. What do you do?
If you’re straight and don’t want to experiment, express this to her. If not, have at it.
39. Your fifteen-year-old daughter asks if she can go on the pill. What do you say?
Now that it’s 2014, I would say yes, then ask if she plans on having sex. And if she is, I’d aid her in safer sex.
40. Your lover is a very bad kisser. Do you tell them?
If it’s like they’re trying to stick their tongue into my stomach, then yes. Be like, “Hey babe, get your tongue out of my stomach.”
41. You are going to a party with buddies at a great vacation spot just across the state border. It is illegal to transport beer and wine across the border. Do you take it anyway?
YES!!! There is no sales tax in New Hampshire. In Mass, there is. I would risk it.
42. Do you think gay couple should be able to adopt children?
Duh! A gay couple as your parents is better than no parents at all.
43. You’re at a party and your date joins in a round of cocaine. Everyone at the party is doing it. What do you do?
I would leave. I ain’t getting involved with that.
44. You are at the beach with a woman friend. When she comes out of the water, you can see through her bathing suit. Do you tell her?
As a sarcastic response, I said, “Yeah, only after she walked over to me.” But I would definitely tell her. To save her from embarrassment.
45. Do you think single adults should be able to adopt children?
Uh, duh! One parent is better than none.
46. Should a marital relationship be monogamous?
I think it totally depends on the couple and the way that they want to define their relationship. (Hell, I’m trying out a trio in a written two-shot.)
47. Do you prefer seeing a general doctor of the same sex?
This depends on the person. If women are okay with a man doctor seeing them, that’s fine. If not, to each their own.
48. Would you be romantically involved with someone who is disabled?
I am not that superficial; to judge someone by their disability. (Thank you 80’s.)
49. Have you ever considered suicide?
I don’t know how to answer this without getting backlash. Let me just say I was mad that this was a question in a game.
50. You are a female working late in a large office building. When the elevator comes for you to leave, the door opens to reveal three male punk rockers. Do you get in?
Then I remembered that this was when punk rock was starting to gain momentum.
51. You own a small private plane. A fairly close friend asks you to pick up and deliver a large load of marijuana for $20,000 cash. Do you make the deal?
No, it’s too risky.
52. Have you ever had an “immoral” thought while sitting in church?
Never been to church long enough to think about it.
53. Have you ever intentionally stood someone up?
Never been on a formal date to stand someone up on.
54. A stranger tells you that he’s defecting from Russia and asks for your help. Do you help him?
This was back when we were worried about communists. Just remember that.
55. Your parents ask you if you smoke marijuana. You do. Do you tell them?
“Yeah, you want some?”
56. Your husband’s boss and wife are expected for dinner in thirty minutes. The dog licks the pot roast. Do you announce the mishap and go out to dinner or serve the roast as planned?
“It’s okay, just rinse it off” — my sister.
57. You are late for work due to a morning of making love (read, being rammed hard). How do your explain your tardiness to your boss.
“Sorry, I was a little tied up.”
58. Would you date someone with a strange first name, like Ismarelda or Poindexter?”
I name all my characters weird things, so that’s not applicable.
59. Do you believe extraterrestrial beings have visited Earth?
Post-Roswell blowout. Aliens everywhere.
60. You find an unfamiliar phone number in your spouse’s coat pocket. Do you inquire about it?
“Hey, honey; I was doing laundry and I found this in your pocket. Is it important?”
61. Your spouse asks you to do a strip tease for his or her best friend. Do you?
That depends. I think if it’s a mutual thing that my spouse and I agreed upon, maybe.
62. Have you ever made love in a car?
Back in the 80’s, it was normal to do the hanky-panky in cars.
63. Your present roommate is also your ex-lover. He claims to love you but the feeling is not mutual. Will you lead him on, or set the record straight? P.S. He is paying for most of the rent.
I wouldn’t lead him on. If I don’t like him, and there’s no chance of rekindling the passion, I wouldn’t be able to lie to him at all.
64. You have a hot date and yet nothing happens. All your friends are ribbing you to find out all the “great details”. Do you tell the truth or make up a story about how wonderful it was?
I would tell the truth, but in a way that makes it sound like a lie. Like laugh at the end or something like that. So they think I’m lying about telling the truth.
So that was my power outage story. If you want to take this and do some weird response to this, please do (please comment the link, because I want to read what you have to say). And if you want to comment about some of the weird questions on here, have at it. This was fun for me to talk about the weird things you could find in the 80’s.
So, hopefully your day was better than mine, although this was fun.
Also, if you sat though all 64 questions and responses, you have a lot of patience and you're really cool!
Bye!