Telling Lies: Survey| Stolen From Don'tFearTheReaper

So, Don'tFearTheReaper posted a blog doing a survey, question, game thingy. His responses were hilarious and the questions were just...omg.

So, I thought I'd do my own.

1. Someone sends and anonymous letter claiming to have nude pictures of you. They demand money or a public display will be made. Do you pay?

Heck no. I don’t send pictures of my goodies.
2. Have you ever wished you were a member of the opposite sex?

Every single month

3. You are a senior in high school. A very attractive teacher asks you for sexual favors in return for an “A”. Do you report to the principal’s office, or to the teacher’s office?

I always have to ask this: Is he cute?

4. You are at a party when someone exclaims, “I hate homos, don’t you?” You are a closeted gay. What do you say?

I’d say: No. But I looooove vaginas

5. Are you turned on by “kinky” underwear?

The fuck is kinky underwear?

6. Have you ever “cat-called” an attractive person?

Yeah, myself *flips hair* hashtag flawless

7. You are falling in love with someone who has very strict morals about premarital sex. Will you admit to your lover that you are not a virgin?

Yeah,

8. A casual friend in high school becomes a major celebrity. Do you make contact?

Nah. I’m not some groupie.

9. Would you tan nude in a tanning booth?

I’m black

10. Would you take the beautiful class “slut” to a public dance?

Well, at least the slut is beautiful

11. Your sister is a real loser. She is thrown in jail. Do you bail her out?

This is soooo rude, lmao. But she’s family. I’d do it. She’s a loser but she’s my loser

12. You have a chance almost risk free to make $30,000 is a drug deal. You don’t have to be personally involved. All you have to do is make your home available for one weekend. What’s your answer?

I watch so many crime shows and stuff I’d be too chicken-shit to do it. But, maybe if I go out of town it’d be ok(money is money, ok)

13. You find your child’s private diary. You didn’t even know there was one. So you open it to read “just one page”?

I’m a nosy person by nature. I’m sorry, but I would. I wouldn’t confront them about anything I read though. Unless they admitted to being a criminal or something. Then it’d be time for a time-out

14. Your thirteen-year-old son wants to pierce one ear. “That’s the style,” he says. What do you say?

Have at kiddo

15. Your fifteen-year-old son wants to date a thirty-two-year-old woman. What do you say?

I’d say: Go watch Law and Order SVU and come back to me.

16. Your sixteen-year-old daughter wants to date a forty-five-year-old man. What do you say?

^^^

17. Did you ever sample your parent’s liquor cabinet as a child?

Not purposely. I once drank a vodka slushie by accident. It was a fucking slushie, I was like 9. My mom should’ve known better

18. You find a “Playgirl” magazine in your daughter’s room. Do you bring up the subject?

No, it’s fucking porn not a body

19. Your spouse admits to you that he / she is gay. What do you say?

I knew it!

20. Are you self-conscious about going to the bathroom when someone might hear you?

Depends if its 1 or 2

21. You are asked to pose nude for a prominent national magazine. The pay is $10,000 for a few days’ work. Do you take the job?

Is it like, pure vag and boobs. If so, no. If its tasteful, sure, I’ll wear my birthday suit

22. Have you ever gone to work without wearing underwear?

Never had a job. (I’m only 17, cut me some slack)

23. Should a woman’s job be guaranteed if she takes a leave of absence from work because of pregnancy?

Shutup 80’s

24. Your next door neighbor will be out of town for two weeks and asks if you would collect his mail while he’s gone. On the second day, you find some pornographic material in his mail. Do you look at it?

I mean, who doesn’t like porn

25. A strange man comes to your door. You are alone. He is in a panic. He claims to be with the CIA and he needs to make a phone call that is a matter of life and death. Do you let him in?

Keep-a knockin’ but you can’t come in.

26. You are stranded on a desert island with your spouse and your mother. Malaria sets in and only one shot of serum is available. Who takes the shot?

That’s just rude

27. You are visiting your grandmother who lives alone. You are very surprised when you stumble across a stack of porno magazines in the house. Do you mention it to her?

Again, its porn. Just porn

28. You are offered $1,000 to be in a porno film. Your face will not be seen. Do you do it?

No. Just no

29. You find a used condom in the back seat of your son’s car. Do you confront him?

Yes. Because that’s gross. Clean it up, man. But at least he’s using protection.

30. You find a used condom in the back seat of your daughter’s car. Do you confront her?

Again, gross. He should’ve taken it with him

31. For $1,000,000 — would you make love to a little green midget who has a wart on its nose?

The…fuck

32. The fifteen-year-old daughter or son of a friend comes on to you. Do you inform the parent?

Yes. But then I’d tell the kid to call me when he’s 18. (Kidding!)

33. You know the best restaurant in town is owned by the mafia. Do you eat there anyway?

As long as they’re not serving me somebody they whacked—I’m game.

34. Would you date someone of a different race?

Oh 80’s, how closed minded you were

35. Have you ever paid for sex?

Everyone pays one way or another, doesn’t have to be cash

36. Male: Would you date a woman nine inches taller than you?
Female: Would you date a man nine inches shorter than you?

I’m sorry, but I’m already 5’0 myself. He’s gonna be sniffin’ my crotch all day. Not cool

37. Should sex education be taught in schools?

Yes, but parents should also be the ones to tell their kids about it too

38. You are female. Your best friend is temporarily living with you while awaiting her divorce. One evening at dinner she confides in you that her marriage fell through because she is in love with you. What do you do?

Lesbians! *cheesy porn music plays*

39. Your fifteen-year-old daughter asks if she can go on the pill. What do you say?

I’d ask her why she wanted to go on the pill, then we’d go from there

40. Your lover is a very bad kisser. Do you tell them?

They will not be considered my lover if they’re a bad kisser. It just ain’t happenin’

41. You are going to a party with buddies at a great vacation spot just across the state border. It is illegal to transport beer and wine across the border. Do you take it anyway?

No, I can just buy booze from the other place across the border. I’m not getting my black ass arrested

42. Do you think gay couple should be able to adopt children?

Yes. It’s as simple as that. Yes

43. You’re at a party and your date joins in a round of cocaine. Everyone at the party is doing it. What do you do?

I’m gonna rev up those nopes and get the fuck outta there.

44. You are at the beach with a woman friend. When she comes out of the water, you can see through her bathing suit. Do you tell her?

”I can see your nipples____!”

45. Do you think single adults should be able to adopt children?

Uh, yeah. I’m being raised by a single parent

46. Should a marital relationship be monogamous?

I think the point of being married is to be monogamous. You’re putting a ring on it so you two are each other’s. But, it’s seriously up to the couple if they want new dick and vagina in the picture

47. Do you prefer seeing a general doctor of the same sex?

Depends what I’m going to the doctor for

48. Would you be romantically involved with someone who is disabled?

Love is love

49. Have you ever considered suicide?

80’s people were some blunt and straight forward mofo’s

50. You are a female working late in a large office building. When the elevator comes for you to leave, the door opens to reveal three male punk rockers. Do you get in?

Yes. Orgy in the elevator yaaay

51. You own a small private plane. A fairly close friend asks you to pick up and deliver a large load of marijuana for $20,000 cash. Do you make the deal?

Uhhhhh—no

52. Have you ever had an “immoral” thought while sitting in church?

I’d be too sleepy to think about anything(I haven’t been to church in years

53. Have you ever intentionally stood someone up?

No. That’s rude. I’d just cancel the date if I didn’t wanna go. But, who wants to date me anyway.

54. A stranger tells you that he’s defecting from Russia and asks for your help. Do you help him?

That’s quite a greeting “I’m defecting from Russia,” “Nice to meet you defecting from Russia

55. Your parents ask you if you smoke marijuana. You do. Do you tell them?

If my mom asked me that now while I’m living with her I’d lie and say no. But if I were out of the house, I’d say “hell yeah, 420, blaze it and praise it”

56. Your husband’s boss and wife are expected for dinner in thirty minutes. The dog licks the pot roast. Do you announce the mishap and go out to dinner or serve the roast as planned?

What part of the roast did he lick…If it’s a small piece I’ll just chop it off. I’m not cooking again

57. You are late for work due to a morning of making love (read, being rammed hard). How do your explain your tardiness to your boss.

“I got a little banged up this morning.”

58. Would you date someone with a strange first name, like Ismarelda or Poindexter?”

Sure, makes em exotic.

59. Do you believe extraterrestrial beings have visited Earth?

Yes. Nicki Minaj because that ass is outta this world

60. You find an unfamiliar phone number in your spouse’s coat pocket. Do you inquire about it?

”Babe, I found a number in your pocket. What is it?

61. Your spouse asks you to do a strip tease for his or her best friend. Do you?

Just…no

62. Have you ever made love in a car?

No. But I did other stuff. I’m a teenager, what do you want

63. Your present roommate is also your ex-lover. He claims to love you but the feeling is not mutual. Will you lead him on, or set the record straight? P.S. He is paying for most of the rent.

”Now I ain’t sayin’ she a golddigga…”

64. You have a hot date and yet nothing happens. All your friends are ribbing you to find out all the “great details”. Do you tell the truth or make up a story about how wonderful it was?

I’d bash tf outta him. I’d let it all hang out about how boring it was
August 23rd, 2014 at 06:24am