First Day of School | All My Years

So obviously, a lot of you already started school like a week ago of even 1 month ago, but for me, I start school tomorrow. I wanna explain some things from all my years of being in high school. Since it's my last year, what better way than to explain it the day before school starts?

9th grade: This grade was actually very basic, meaning I didn't have any trouble with it whatsoever. I even looked at my progress report one day and for the first time in my life, I had all A's and one B. That one B though:/ Anyway, I had lots of friends and even made new friends, just like a Freshman would try to. Sat with friends at lunch, talked to people during passing time, and even had decent grades. I even had a hardcore crush that I used to like so much in my gym class. It was a start to a wonderful year. The only problem was that, at the time, I was super shy to talk to new people. Other than that, it was all good.

10th grade: This was probably the funnest year for me. And it was all because I had so many friends and great classes! My fourth hour was Algebra 2, but the teacher was great at explaining things and I talked to about 1/4 of the class, which was great in my case. I had like 10 friends in there, and that never happens to me. Difficult subject, but great teacher and lots of friends to help. Which brings me to my 6th hour; Intro to Physics. Oh my God, I had so much fun in that class. I only knew 2 people in there, but I managed to make 5 more friends in that class. One of them even became my best friend. I experienced so many new things being 16, (not drugs, or alcohol, or sex...chill out) but what a really good friendship was.

11th grade: Everything went down. This year was my worst nightmare. I hated all the classes I had, I had no one to talk to throughout the day, (including lunch) and I even went to my conselor the second week of school and told her that I didn't have any friends. I even teared up, but I didn't cry. I held it in as much as I could. This year, I had my testing stuff to do, which was my ACT's and those were extremely hard. (not trying to pressure anyone going into 11th grade) But at some point, it wasn't even about the classes, it was having someone to talk to. My "best friend" dropped me completely all the time to hang out with his other friends, I always felt like shit, and my grades went down; not all of them, but my math went down majorly. I didnt wanna come to school anymore because I had no friends that gave a shit about me. I even wanted to know what happened to the old ones, but they moved on from me, just like everyone I've met. No one put any effort to talk to me anymore, and I'm always the one to put in the effort. By the end of the year, I was like "No more. I'm done trying. I always put effort to see and text people when they don't put the effort back." I just quit. I was so happy about summer break, thinking it would start something new for me to clear my head up, but it obviously didn't.

12th grade: As you may know, I haven't started this grade yet. I'm starting tommorow. I literally have the easiest classes and I'm looking forward to them. The only thing I worry about is making friends because that's the most difficult thing for me as of right now. I feel like if I have friends in my classes, then I'll be able to actually feel confident enough to be myself and not dread the homework I have. I know, it should be opposite; having friends in your class makes you NOT do any work. But for me, I like having people I talk to in my classes so I don't feel so alone, you know? I only know 2 people I have for my second semester classes, but I have to wait all the way until like January 16th for that semester. So far, I don't think I'm gonna have any friends in my classes the first semester. I know what you're thinking: "Oh Melissa, this is an opportunity to make new friends! Get your groove on!" It's not that simple for me. I mean, I'm not that shy anymore if someone randomly talks to me, but that literally NEVER HAPPENS! "You go talk to people!" On some real talk, they really don't care if I talk to them or not. Sad part is I still haven't gone to homecoming out of those 3 years because I have no one to go with. On top of that, I'm not even going to prom because I have no date, or boyfriend for that matter. I always wanted to go to prom with a guy, meaning my guy best friend (which I don't have anymore), or a boyfriend, (which I've never had) I'm 17, and I haven't experienced love or heartbreak yet so I'm a little nervous, although I do know what it feels like for a guy to make you feel like absolute crap.

Sorry for the paragraphs. I just really wanted to express what was on my mind for the new school year. It's not that I don't like talking to people, I really do. It's just that everyone wants to stay in their own cliques; they don't want to make a new friend and include me with them. That's exactly how it goes in my school. If you're not with a group or a huge clique, then those people don't wanna include you in their group. They wanna stick with their own damn friends. I understand that, but won't making a new friend be cool? It won't ruin their reputation if that's what they're thinking. Okay, yeah. I think I'm done explaining myself. I'm so not ready for this year. I'm not at all worried about classes, just the people IN my classes. :( I have to stay positive. I got my music so maybe I'll be fine. I guess I'll do another blog tomorrow when I come home to say how the first day went for me. It's a half day though so It'll be quick.
September 2nd, 2014 at 05:22am