Of Lingerie & Intimacy

I've been meaning to blog about this all week, mibba.

It's not even a SUPER blog, but...I don't know.

I guess because it's a more "personal" blog I've been avoiding it. I don't even know the exact direction I'm going with this, so we'll see.

Lingerie.

I'm growing a mass addiction to it. I don't own much of it beyond the basics everyone owns, but I find it to be very pretty.

Especially those lace bra ones people love to post on their tumblrs. (I have quite a few of those pinned to my Pinterest fashion board, some are even decently affordable.)

Now, with that being said, lingerie is one of the many things in the word that are automatically connected to sexual things.

It doesn't have to be, and totally not saying it should if the person wearing it doesn't want it to be, but it is.

And I like it.

And me being the overthinker I am started to thinking of my realistic viewpoints of myself and sex.

I'm 17 and am going to be 18 this coming April. So that's like the average age people start seeing themselves as sexual beings and having sex. Some even younger, some even older.

I, personally, don't think I have much appeal to being a sexual being.

I'm 17 so this might change, but at this moment, sexy is a thing that I can't be.

Like, surely I see men *cough* Cary Fukunaga *cough* and go wow, wouldn't mind waking up to that person naked everyday.

But, I'm just not sexy.

I feel if I were to be put in that position it wouldn't be right or something that I would just be okay with.

But, then again, whoever really feels sexy, you know?

Fake it until you make it.

Now, backtracking a bit, I feel that despite me lacking sex appeal, I feel I could have lost my virginity quite a bit.

Or at least done something of that nature with someone of the opposite.

Like, I'm a complete virgin with the opposite sex. Never been kissed by a male or anything.

So..oh gosh...where am I even going with this?

I don't know. I just feel like I need to put this out there that I don't see myself as a sexual being as of yet.

And that's okay.

I know it's kind of like "a thing to do" when you're in this age range like finding yourself to make this bar of sexy and being sexual.

But, I'm just not feeling it.

I feel I still have a lot of maturing to do physical wise (like get rid of this butter face and meh body).

Also, I feel like I didn't take up those opportunities to do sexual things with men because I feel like I'm one of those people that have to be mentally enticed by someone to get me there.

Like, does that make sense?

Like I feel the more romantically and mentally attached and attracted to someone, the more of a turn on they would be to me sexually.

Like that's what really makes sex sex for me.

For example, when I dream/day dream getting down with someone, I feel this deep rooted feeling of love towards them in a non-physcial way.

And I just have yet to really meet someone like that.

And that may take a while for me.

Which may be one of the reasons why I choose abstinence.
I'm not deeply protective of it, but if I can save myself; that'd be cool.

But if I just meet someone who makes me feel full and content and won't go running after I lay with them; that'd be cool, too.

The long story short, I don't see myself sexy/ as a sexual being yet and I'm perfectly fine with that because I still got a lot of work to do on myself and no one really worth my time has showed up in my life yet.

So I'll just continue to be a mental hoe until then.

Night.