I've Missed You So Much Mibba My Old Friend.

I've been going through some what of a rough time. I don't know if any of you would feel this ever but sometimes I get to this place in my mind where I like; Back away from everything that used to make me feel better for some much needed alone. I get to this point in my life where I look at all the things I have accomplished and I go. "Well fuck, what do I do now?" you know? Has life come to the point where I can't live anymore? Have I just given up completely? When the music doesn't even make me feel better thats when I get scared and I pull myself away from Electronics and people.

September is a hard month for me my dad who passed in 2011 his birthday is September 11th and I'm just kind of staying away from everything and everyone. I apologize to those I ditched on this website I didn't mean to but it just had to happen because I was afraid of myself and what I might do if I didn't get away when I did.

I've been having horrible Anxiety and depression for the last few months partially because someone I am very close to is leaving for a little while I don't know how to cope with that I think part of my brain associates this "leaving" with never coming back kind of like what happened with my dad and it just automatically makes me think the worst.

I have Athazagoraphobia - The Fear of Being Forgotten or replaced

It's not something easy to cope with I've always had this phobia amongst others I just thing this one is the worse when I befriend someone and they get to know me I draw a bond with them that connects me and I just, get scared that's why I don't have any in person friends. All of my friends are through the screen of a computer because I also have social anxiety people can't approach me or I curl up in a ball and cry.

I've finally come to terms with my condition and I've been medicated to keep me under control but I just needed to talk about it in this blog, this isn't really for anyone but myself. I want to thank the people who know me best and who have been there even when I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with.

Thank you for being a friend of mine for the last 4 years Mibba,

Let Live Again;