Positivity, Self Improvement, and Reflection Blog: Intro

Hi Guys.

So lately I've been feeling really lonely and negative about a whole lot of different things really. I think it's causing me to be insecure, and I think it's ruining my relationships, but also me as a person. So I'm going to blog positivity, and maybe it will become me again? I've always had a bit of a negative attitude, but I know that I've always liked and been comfortable with myself -- so that's a start. Confidence = not an issue.

So first thing is first, I am going to list my problems. I'll come up with solutions and deal with posting them later. Maybe you have suggestions?

Problems

1. All of my friends live off campus, and we all have very different schedules. It's difficult to coordinate.
Elaborating: This is my second year of University. Last year I lived in a residence and was constantly surrounded by people. This year everyone lives far away (15 minute bus ride or more) and we are all busy with lots of different classes. It's difficult to set up two to three hours for us to hang out. My boyfriend is a 2 minute walk, and he is busy and always has lots of people to hang out with. When I make plans with him and he bails, it devastates me.
Main Issue:: I'm bored.

2. I have no girlfriends, and I really dislike my roommate
Elaborating: I'm living on campus in a research environment. Unfortunately my roommate is not involved in this. She's a lot quieter then I am, and she spends her time with the door closed, or closing the door whenever I walk into the apartment (not good for the self-esteem). While I understand some people have boundaries (I have none) and that she has some kind of a disability (she has half mentioned this, she is also terrified of fruit flies and spent 2 hours scrubbing her bedroom door and 3 hours on the walls), I think it has to stop at some point.
Main Issue: Shitty and negative living environment.

3. I have a concussion
Elaborating: I hit my head a while back, spent some time in the hospital and have a difficult time looking at screens, being patient, or being myself for extended periods of time. I am easily frustrated and irritable -- especially in the afternoon. I think I take this out on people.
Main Issue: I'm an asshole.

4. I want to go home and sleep.
Elaborating: Like I said I have a concussion. I have always had a hard time with home sickness and now it's just amplified. Unfortunately, if I go home my boyfriend (who consistently cancels our plans to hang out with other people) gets mad. I don't feel like waiting around on him anymore. Frankly, I'm tired of it. Sometimes I think I might be over-reacting, and I'll blog about that eventually. I also can't go home because I have schoolwork. Fuck.
Main Issue: I miss my Mum, parrot and cats. (probably because I'm bored and lonely)

So here's the mission:
1. Stop being bored.
2. Get out more and get away from the apartment (I think one and two go together well, possibly number 4)
3. I need to spend less time with people and things that bother me and extenuate my condition.
4. Go the hell home.

Step 1: I have accepted the fact that I am the source of my own problem. Only I can make myself feel this way. Right now, I am choosing to let myself be like this by caring too much about how other people treat me. I can change these things with a bit of effort or a lot -- it might be a bit of a balancing act with school.

I'll probably blog again on Thursday night. There's the annual 'clubs event' happening that day and I'm hoping to join some things, get involved and make myself feel better.

In the meantime, I'd appreciate your thoughts! Am I crazy? Not crazy? How do you think I can fix these things? I would also like to encourage everyone to become more positive about yourself, your life and your BODY! As well as to target the things you like least about you or your life and change them.

Ciao,
Aubree James

Kudos to you if you read all of this!
September 17th, 2014 at 06:43am