Okay, I know what some of you might be thinking, but I’m saying this from experience. It’s not worth it. It destroys so much of your life and the life of people who care for you. I’m not trying to be hypocritical because I have done my share as well. I’m just trying to say from personal experience you’d be better off not to do it.
I was addicted to pills for almost three years. It started out with me just wanting to try something and see what it felt like. I started with pain pills like hydrocodone. It was fun at first until I started puking my guts out afterwards. After a few times of trying it “just for fun” I started to feel more dependent of it. I started to crave them more and more and it felt like I had to have them in order to be happy. Then bad things in my life started to happen and I felt like the only way I could make it through the day was to be high. I kept making excuses for myself for why I needed them. After a while I needed more pills to get high and started taking stronger pills like oxycodone to get a better feeling. I would steal pills from my parents and grandparents, and every time I would go to someone’s house I would look through their cabinets hoping they had something. Every time I got a paycheck I would be broke in that same day because I would spend it on pills. I started not caring who I was around or where I was at when I was getting high. I didn't care if I was at work, a family event, or at school, as long as I wasn't sober.
I had a love-hate relationship with pills though. I loved the way they made me feel, but I hated what they were doing to me. I would get sick whenever I took them and I started losing so much weight because I would lose my appetite(and I was small enough to begin with). I took them on an empty stomach most of the time, and because of that they started to tear my stomach up. I felt and looked like crap most of the time because of it. Plus it started to slowly affect my memory. I started forgetting a lot about my life. It’s been almost a year since I quit and still to this day I can’t remember most of what happened in the past few years of my life.
When I look back, I realize I lost a lot of friends because of what I was doing to myself. All they would try to do is help me but I didn't want it. In fact, all it did was just piss me off and I would push them out of my life. After a while my parents was catching on too. Then one weekend I stayed with a “friend” and we decided we wanted to throw a party. So, we got all the things we needed to make this thing happen. Sadly for us it stormed that weekend so the party didn't happen so we decided to have a party of our own. Before I knew it I was snorting, popping, drinking, and smoking. Let’s just say that’s about all I remember of that night. When I came home my parents knew something was up and when they found out they didn't know what to do. So three days later they set me up an appointment with a probation officer.
At first I resented them for what they did, but now I’m glad it happened. Otherwise, I’d probably be dead right now. Not long after that me and Danny started talking and that really helped me. He makes me the happiest I've been in a while. I don’t know what I would do without him. When I’m with him I don’t think about taking pills. It’s not worth it. I love him with all my heart and I could never hurt him. He’s my hero.
So please just take my advice. Life is so much better when you can live it sober.
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