Positivity Blog 2

Hi Friends,

I'm afraid I've already reached an obstacle in the whole 'get positive' plan.

I broke up with my boyfriend last night, and then he played with my heart a little bit longer so he could disregard what I asked of from him and re-break up with me? Which really makes no sense in words or in my head. I have no idea why he would do that.

At first I was super angry. I was mad about what he had said to me this morning. When I had broken up with him I'd left a little side bar that if we could fix these things it would be okay. What he said today totally disregarded that. It was like he was dragging me along for fun, using me for favours, and sex and whatever else. Though I'm sure that's not what he was thinking in his mind. I can't bring myself to think that he would purposely want to hurt me.

He made me feel worthless. He had basically said that he didn't care that I was feeling these things, because he hadn't been interested in being with me for a while.

So I was mad at me for trusting him and being vulnerable and at him for just being an asshole. You see, he never told me that he was uninterested in me. I could guess because he'd been acting weird, but I would never have been able to fix it -- and he was happy to watch me try.

That's a really cynical thought.

After being mad I went to clubs day on campus. I think I might join the ballroom dance club or maybe the lifeguard club. Both are things that interest me.

I was indifferent for a bit, but he started texting me. Not back-peddling, but trying to make sure that I wasn't going to hate him -- that we could be friends eventually. I don't really know how much I care.

I've just woken up from a nap. There's been lots of useless tears spilling out of me for the last two days, and it has been exhausting. When I woke up I thought I'd be okay, but I think right now I just feel sad.

I've resolved to go home this weekend.

I will be sending positivity vibes to everyone.

And I will hopefully shake this by tomorrow.
September 19th, 2014 at 02:00am