I Think My Brain Just Imploded

I just made this layout and I couldn't decide between the flower eating gif or this one.

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I love his sleeves and his hair in that one but whatever. Keith Moon is like my spirit animal. I have no idea what but I've always felt this weird connection to him. Anyway.

The weirdest thing just happened to me. It's happened to me many times before but for some reason this time it seemed more abrupt than the others. It was that thing where you feel like you're actually falling over or like the entire room is fucking tilting to one side. Every time it happens to me I immediately equate it to The Wizard of Oz when the room is spinning or whatever and the people are flying past the window.

Anyway yeah, that happened, and it's happened to me a lot but usually when I was either high or in a particularly weird mood. I've been really out of it today but aside from that it just seemed weird. Especially because it's completely dark in my room except for my computer [picture me as like a cyberpunk hacker ok] and it was scary and I got pretty startled. I still do, honestly, so if this isn't very articulate, that's my excuse this time!!

All I can think of is that my sleep apnea is just furthering even more (and making me dizzy?) and also I have been PMSing so much for the past few days. I have severe PMS for a solid week before my period and then my period lasts 7 days every fucking time. So yeah, half of my month is like tainted my menstruation. This month's PMS has made me feel like super sensitive yet calm??? And I've been crying, AT EVERYTHING.

Also, another thing. This is kind of important.

Today I was reading over this story I started a couple weeks ago for a contest on here, and I was surprised because it was actually pretty good. I go back and forth between thinking that I'm the most god awful embarrassment of a writer and thinking that I'm a pretty good writer, but I actually think this one is pretty decent. But yeah so I was reading through it and I had originally described this guy's pale skin as like a "vampire" but then I decided that sounded stupid and changed vampire to "shut-in" and then I erased that because I thought nobody would get what it meant.

And then I realized that it didn't really matter if some people didn't get it because like, a good writer is one who has their own style. And I realized that I have been sort of censoring myself in the past year or so to try to make more sense or something and then I wonder why I feel like I have no personal style. I used to like never ever censor myself and the main purpose of my even writing or doing anything creative was to NOT censor myself for once. I am a pretty insecure, self conscious person most of the time and I feel like I can't really express my real personality around others [social anxiety I guess] so I kind of do that through writing. Then I kind of got self conscious about even putting it in my writing. But not anymore, fuck it.

That's all I think I can manage right now... I'm still like shaking because of the falling over thing. I don't think it's because it scared me all that much but I don't know I think something weird happened to my brain or something.

Oh and by the way, I managed to get all my old Quizilla stuff saved in time.
September 30th, 2014 at 06:43am