New Mommy

It's been three months since my son Noel was born. I still can't get over how some things went wrong. I look back and think "why did you not listen to your gut?!!" I never seem to, and it always comes to slap me back in the face. I could write about it, but then id stay up just lingering on about it. I'd think one thing and my stomach would begin to turn in circles and i'll just feel this hate. This regret of "I should have done it!" and I will become so frustrated and sad about it it will tear me apart.
So, what is the new mommy life like? Lots of bottles. Trouble breastfeeding. Dirty diapers. Spitting up baby. It's pretty cool. Why? Because this little life, grows every single day. I look at pictures and compare his old clothes to clothes he fits in now and I can say, the do grow fast. It makes me sad to think one day this little man won't need me anymore. Can he just stay small forever!
Right now he's speaking to me. He talk alot. Right now it just sounds like he's yelling like "ahhhhhh" "uhhhhhhh" it's cute though.
I am 19 years old. I have a baby. Live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend & never did I expect to live next door to my mother. I enjoy the life I have. My boyfriend works and provides while I stay at home with the baby. I basically have the same life my mom has and it's crazy. Never thought I wouldbe living this life at the age of 19. I love it.
I'm not gonna lie, when I hang out with my frends and Noel starts to fuss and I have to get up and rock him or feed him and things like that, I miss just being able to chill. I miss being able to just hang out with my friend and not have to bring a baby along or look for someone to watch him. But at the end of the day I would not trade him for anything in the world!