Anxiety. [Triggering Content.]

I am so stressed out from school right now, it is not even funny. I have a lab due tomorrow, which I will admit that I have been putting off until the last moment. And I did some earlier in the library at school and figured I would do the rest when I got home and had my computer. But I still can't figure out this one tool on Google Earth. And I am having problems with the math portion. And I just want to cry and scream and throw things, I am so upset. And it's not even just that. It might seem like a small thing, but I bought Lights' new album, Little Machines, on iTunes. And it won't let me download it. And I tried everything. Everything. Technology is just working against me today.

And now I have found out that I need to watch a boring ass movie about art and respond to it by tonight. ASAP. So I have to put off my lab for even longer for a class that I don't even like. And it just pisses me off. And it stresses me out. I honestly just can't even deal. My head feels like it is going to explode. And I probably shouldn't even by typing this, because I don't have the time. But oh well.

But I fucked up, I really did. I relapsed and I turned to self-harm, because I couldn't think of a more effective way to feel better and to take away some stress. I'm just so angry, and I turned that onto myself. I'm mad that I didn't do this lab earlier and I know that I don't do well at doing things at the last minute. And I'm mad that I'm not organized. I'm mad that I am not as smart as everybody else. I'm so mad that I have a short attention span. I'm mad that I'm me. I'm just really, really upset that I am stuck being me.

And, honestly, I don't want to kill myself. Even though I do. I just don't want to feel like this. And I feel like this under stress. And I don't know why I thought I could handle school and that this year would be different, that I would be different. But it isn't different. And I am already fucking everything up.

I can't stop crying.