Ughhh

To add on to this post from yesterday, my husband came home sick today after just three hours of work.

He's supposed to be the one with the full time job here, but he's only worked 15 hours so far this week. Even if he works a full shift tomorrow, he'll only be at 25.

I'm working part time on top of full-time school (and a very heavy homework load) and I'm still working more hours than that. Even this week, when I'm going out of town, I'm going to be putting in 27 hours at work. Next week I'm hoping to break 40 because my company is currently offering overtime. I can't guarantee I'll be ABLE to do that, but I'm hoping.

I nearly had a panic attack this morning after he left for work. He told me he wasn't feeling well and I knew that meant he'd be most likely coming home within a few hours. I can't do this. I can't make up for it by myself. I can't work my full hours plus his and pay the bills and go to school. It's just not feasible.

I ended up taking out another student loan to help stay on top of bills. Which is only going to screw me over in the end, because that's money I have to pay back with interest.

I don't know what to do. I can't handle the finances by myself. I'm drowning here. I need him to step up, but at the same time it's not his fault he's been sick and injured the last few weeks. But how can I be expected to make up for that? How are we supposed to manage?

I have to pull money out of savings--the money that's SUPPOSED to be for Christmas, specifically to visit his family. (Forget buying Christmas presents. That's not happening this year. Again.)

When are we going to stop being poor? We have a household with three working adults and we're still not even consistently making ends meet. How the fuck are we ever supposed to get anywhere?

Just fuck everything right now.