tired freak out

So I'm feeling REALLY tired. I think today confirmed my suspiscions. See, I've got some eating issues, and sometimes I vomit after I eat. It started back in February, but didn't get habitual until about May or June. Now I'm starting to worry that it's taken some permanent toll on my body. I lost some weight, which is good. The bad things are the things that never happened before. Now I get really tired, like right now, after I purge, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball with a blanket and sleep. The other thing that I think I was kinda denying for a while is that I think I'm making myself bleed. I've seen some pink stuff come out with the vomit (sorry, graphic, I know) before when I hadn't eaten anything that should make that color, but it was never much, and it was pink, not red. Well, now that happens every time, and when I blew my nose afterwards today there was blood on the kleenex. So before it was just a self esteem issue, but now I'm worried that it's becoming a health issue too. I've kinda been planning on seeing a counsilor or something once I get to school next week (I really don't want anyone I actually know to know that I'm having these issues, my parents would be disappointed and my friends would be all... well, you know). I was starting to have second thoughts on that, but now with the actual health stuff showing up I think I will. God, it just doesn't sound like me, though, to get therapy. I feel pathetic for needing it, but I've broken every promise to myself and anyone else I've talked to about this, and I guess that's what I'll have to do since no one's going to find out and make me stop (I'm REALLY careful to hide it well).
September 20th, 2007 at 05:35am