Wow, it has been a long time since I set out to write one of these. I guess in some ways I just didn't believe I had anything remotely important to say. Well I'm back to try this blog thing again this will be an almost continuance of "About me" blog I wrote about seven months ago.
First of all, let me just say that there are so many amazing, gifted writers on this site. When I first set about going on Mibba a few years ago, I never paid enough attention to the talent on the site. Well my eyes and heart are open to it all now and all I can say is "WOW".
I'm still in that crazy part of my life where I'm not entirely sure what the heck I want and how in the hell I will get it. I'm so close to finishing my Children's Services Course now I can almost taste the certificate, and yet I'm still not 100% sure what I will do with it when I finish. See my problem is that I have so many visions for what I want to do in life, that I can't make simple choices.
I'm starting to think that I my depression is rearing its ugly head again. It's funny I can write that here with absolutely no problem and yet the idea of saying that aloud fills me with such anxiety. It's simple
re-occurrences that I am noticing; I feel angry more often than I feel anything else, I find myself craving more and more alone time and sometimes wishing I could just say "Fuck you all" and leave the vicinity of people, and I find myself wanting to cry, scream, shout for reasons I can't always explain. From these assessments I am beginning to decide that what I thought I had conquered is making an encore performance.
I'm still single which in my current state is probably not a bad thing because I would probably turn into monster woman with any guy I tried to date. I guess some people find love or search for it early and it can stick, but lately I've found I really don't care all that much about it.
For anyone who has read my previous blogs, there has been no change in the sister hating me predicament in fact if possible it seems more and more likely that we will never speak again. Another update is that, as if my family could not get any more estranged my oldest sister has now cast off my parents, and since I live with my folks I am also borderline cast aside. I will never understand people with amazing non-fractured families, WHAT IS YOUR SECRET!!!
For what it is worth though, even though I feel like my life is spiralling into a weird dilemma filled mad-land; I'm still pretty lucky. There are people out there, hell people on this website (maybe even reading this) who have it so much worse than I could even remotely imagine. So if you are still going, keep going. You are a survivor and the world needs people like you.
If ANY OF YOU ever need to talk to me I will be here, I may not reply straight away and I may not always know what to say, but I will do anything I can to give you the shoulder you need.
If you are still with me, thank you so much for reading this.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost
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