As a young adult female I watch waaaaaay too many horror movies and I realized as I watched Travis Van Winkles' character's friend get his carotid artery severed, that based on the whole library of horror movies I've seen I would probably survive. So I decided to help some otha brothas out with a short list of the basic dos and donts should you ever find yourself faced with a serial killer/angry spirit/demon/deadly virus/ etc. so here it is: Things I've learned from horror movies.
1. You can research literally anything in a library, and you can most definitely find out what's haunting and/or trying to kill you. The same rules apply for the internet.
2. If you're black, Asian, a stoner, having sex, or a female you're going to die first no matter what. Brownie points if you're all of the above.
3. The virgin dies last.
4. Doors are easily broken down with a shoulder or a foot but only if a screaming person or a very important thing is behind it.
5. Everything comes full circle and nothing is ever fully resolved. Always room for a sequel.
6. No matter how injured someone is there is always enough adrenaline to make a daring escape. Fuck broken ribs.
7. The person against the plan is going to be the one most harmed by it. If you were the one for the plan, prepare for the guilt trip of a lifetime as your close friend is eaten/murdered/infected/dosed with a lethal drug with unknown side effects/etc.
8. No one is an ally. No one. Even if thought to be dead. Especially if thought to be dead.
9. Entrails and/or brains are delicious
10. Don't trust small, white, dark haired children. Don't trust any children. Don't trust anyone with a childish voice, either.
11. The one foreigner (I.e. The British guy) is shady as fuck. More so if he or she is a newcomer to the group.
12. Any sort of government anything, like the police, will not help you. If you want help find an old book or a library or do it yourself. Hopefully you won't die first.
13. That new kid at the school? He's probably a monster. If not, he's the catalyst to some hardcore shit. Stay away.
14. Don't play with the toys in the attic/basement. Never a good idea.
15. Always trust the shady gas station attendant no matter how dirty or sleazy or awful he may look. He's probably got the right idea.
They don't all apply in every situation and there's many many more, but that's for a new day.
In other news I have a new story up!!! Is a Sam/OFC mostly from the OFC's pov but told in 3rd if you get what I mean. Its basically a girl who was distantly related to a member of the original Men of Letters and she has some books left in her family that Sam needs. So check it out because I really like the layout and the first part is my fave.
Not registered?
Create an account