Dear Casey, Letters to the Dog I Lost (1)

Dear Casey,

Its been a little over 24 hours since I said goodbye to you, and I find that I want to talk to you again. It's not that you ever really understood, but it feels like you did. Casey I don't know how long I'll be writing these letters, probably until thinking of you doesn't make me want to talk to you again.

We cried again this morning and I know that I promised I wouldn't, but we as a family were not prepared for whatever emptying your food bowls brought up. So the 3 of us cried in our eggs, and I put your empty bowls back in their spot because it just felt right. Yes I say the 3 of us because guess what Case, mom cried too!

I get it now, how people can cry over pets, I never thought I would, I guess I thought as a family we weren't the people to do that and yet here we are. We miss you pretty momma, and it hurts probably more than we ever expected because we never expected this. It seems you got sick overnight baby girl and that really just hurts because we don't know if there was anything we could have done. You never complained or showed signs of being sick at least not anything we noticed in the time it was happening and looking in hindsight only shows us there was a lot we missed. They explained it to us though, and they thought you wouldn't understand but we both know you're smarter than that. You had a tumor on your heart, it was pushing on your lungs and it was depressing your thyroid, your kidney numbers were up and your liver was showing signs of failure and Casey we could not let you suffer, but you know that.

Dad wants to take your cage down today, but that seems so permanent that I just keep looking at it thinking you'll appear but you wont. I put your bed back in our room (i'm not sure when it will be just my room we shared it for 13 years after all) I know you hadn't slept in here the past 2 days but something was different today. Stepping on carpet instead of your bed just felt wrong. I know what you're thinking that I'd stepped on rug for 2 days before today, but today it felt colder, maybe it was because I knew when I opened the door you wouldn't be looking up at me as if to say "finally you're awake" so it sits on the floor, right next to my bed just like it always has.

I think Chidget knows something is different, she hasn't figured out what yet and in a way I hope she doesn't, figuring out you're gone will be like losing her mom. Ashly is sorry she couldn't say goodbye, she's a mess too, you crazy girl you'll never know the lives you touched.

I think it's fitting to close these letters the way I said goodbye to you every day.

Be a good girl pretty momma, don't eat the house, I'll see you later I love you!