8:36 PM in Your Apt.

We watched the movie 'The Break Up' together yesterday. That evening, we fought like hell. What happened? I was going to CVS to buy A1 sauce for the steak we were having for dinner. I asked if you wanted anything to where you said, "surprise me". I took it negatively and told you to not feel entitled to being entertained all the time. I just thought, now I have to live up to your expectations and make you happy. I didn't realize you meant it as something simple like "have fun!". I thought about it in the elevator and felt bad for reacting the way I did. So what did I do? I went into CVS and tried to find exactly what I thought you would like. I got Reese's pieces peanut butter cup ice-cream because i know you love peanut butter. I come upstairs and tried to surprise you but you were already in a bad mood (probably because of how i reacted). Then, in my calmest voice, I tried to explain how what you said made me feel. I said, "What you said made me feel like I had to entertain you and make you happy" but you cut me off to explain what you really meant by saying "surprise me". I of course snapped because i expected you to say you understood but you didn't. I reacted the worst way by raising my voice, throwing stuff on the ground including the hot broccoli that you cooked. I called my girlfriends and told them how much i hate it here. I just wanted to be heard. That's all. I took you talking over me as you not hearing what i wanted to say to explain my reacting negatively when i first left the apartment. When i packed my bags and sat in your kitchen. I sat there eating ice-cream because that's what girls do when they think they're experiencing a break-up. I let myself feel the break-up and failed communication in your apartment. I cried back there, i listened to sad country songs and I watched the clock. It was early (9:20) when you came around and asked what my plans were but it was actually not early enough. I just knew that time with you was running out because soon ill have to go to sleep and wake up feeling out of place. I'd have to go to work and feel like we've already passed the point of no return. I knew I wanted more time to make up with you but in that moment, I just had "given up" feelings inside. I wanted 3 minutes of us trying to understand a mis-communicated moment but it turned into something we knew wasn't about the words "surprise me". It was about whether or not we respected each other enough to listen to each other. I don't think we ever fix this stuff. it just gets brushed under by colliding our hands and bodies against each other. The problems are still there though.