him. All I think about.

Hey

I've decided from now on, I am going to update my journal more often and actually treat it like a journal, not a place where I can whine and complain.

Today I had school, damn, it was stressful. All I think about now is Ashley (the guy I have liked since early March) and it fucking hurts knowing I have no idea when I will see him again. I haven't seen him for a month next Saturday. I miss him so much. I wish somehow he knew how I really felt. I could easily just say to him "Y'know, I fucking like you, I have for a long time" but that wouldn't sum up how I really feel, I can't put words to how I feel. I've tried for so long but I just can't. It's impossible. I just wish maybe he would stumble across this entry or find my poetry book so he knew.

Here is some of the poems I wrote about him.

CARNAGED HEARTS

Each footstep always dissapears
Each collision will soon be silent
A crashing carriage is all it takes
To burn it all to smithereens

Dusty grey and silver fragments
Is this what we belong to be?
Each shaking body is a broken heart
Fixing my liquor and burns

Dissapear into sweet oblivion
A beautiful sight of platinum souls
Suicide written on their rusty veins
Pain shall never exsist....

...We shall never exsist

THE PARCHMENT

I stare at the stars in complete melancholy
I'm thinking of you again tonight, where are you?
I know your somewhere staring at the stars
Spelling such concealed words of consolatory

"How do you feel tonight?
Keep your heart locked up so tight
Do you feel anything at all?
Whisper into burning parchment
Keep your heart locked up tight
Only I can see you
Whisper to me through the stars
So put these silences onto paper
Only I can read it, only I can see it
Forget your veins cut to ribbons to sheds
Only I can heal it, only I can feel it"

I'll stare at the stars in complete melencholy
I'm thinking of you again tonight, where are you?
It's a beautiful night, I can hear your voice
This parchment is yours to secretly unveil

YOUR APOCOLYPSE

This world is crashing around me again
The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling
I saw this coming, but I couldn't escape
I'll close my eyes, I'll wish the locks were breaking

Tonight's the night I'll say goodbye
Each beloved friend, each love calling
As the earth plumits into nearing lights
I'll close my eyes, I'll wish the stars wern't falling

These tears and screams mean nothing now
He's not breathing, he's not breathing
This planet is safe but your breathe is invisible
I'll close my eyes, I'll wish your heart was beating