Humble-Bumble
No more pretending/thinking you didn't deserve the award you just received. You work hard, probably just as hard as the other candidates in your category, and so now it's been handed to you, accept it. This season, I don't want to see any Oh my gosh, this is so shocking. How did I get this? All my category-mates are better than me. I don't deserve it. Instead, let's try for more Thank you so much for this award. I (we) worked really hard on [that thing] and we're so grateful that our efforts have been recognized.
"I Didn't Prepare a Speech..."
No more I didn't prepare a speech because I didn't expect to win. You were nominated, so your chances of getting the award existed. Please don't step up to the podium as if you were a last minute write-in vote oh-my-god-how-could-this-have-happened-to-me-it-wasn't-as-if-I-applied-to-be-considered-and-were-notified-of-my-nomination. If you're more of a 'wing-it' kind of person, that's great, but don't blame your lack of preparedness on some weird cluelessness that you might have been up on stage that night.
False Thanks
No more thanking people (or things or deities) unless you really mean it. It's because a kind of standard award-winning procedure to say First and foremost, I'd like to thank God, but unless you actually put God 'first and foremost', remember that you don't have to press him into your speech. The same goes for your mom or your husband or your co-workers. Don't put anyone in your speech simply because it's 'protocol'; you have a really short amount time to get out your thanks, so make it more meaningful, be honest, and only include people who you think really deserve your thanks.
Cutting Off Speeches
No more cutting off speeches for new winners. This is Alisha Newcomer's first award show. This is her first nomination. This is her first win. Let her have her moment. Don't give her 15 seconds to express her undying gratitude for the nomination, the win, and the experience, and then let Matthew McConaughey alright-alright-alright for 15 minutes. I know, he has adorable down-home charm and he's always very tan, but that's no excuse. He's gotten to do this a few times a year for the past few decades, let Alisha have a good moment instead.
Excessive Applause/Cheering for Your Hot Favs
No more extensive applause for any one person/group/presenter. Seriously, the audience acting uproariously for 10 minutes because Robert Downey Jr is so Tony Stark in real life, cuts time off of Alisha's speech. It's understandable. He's handsome (in a best-friend's-dad sort of way) and funny (in a your dad sort of way) but every extra second the audience spends exploding love on him (and he spends soaking it in) takes away from the rest of the show. Shit, it even takes away from Mr. Jr.'s time to do his thing. If you want more RDJ, there needs to be less of your screaming, please.
Side-Eye/Shade
No more celebrities talking smack about each other - whether outright or hinting at it. It's gross and petty and not the forum. We're all here to have a good time and celebrate you and your career, so don't make it about hate. It's okay if you don't like Taylor Swift or Nicki Minaj or Iggy Azalea (or any other female celebrity because we all know they get the most vile and ridiculous amount of hate), but the eye-rolls, the back-handed comments, you-probably-think-this-comments-about-you, and the general silly cattiness is unbecoming and takes away from what should be a joyous celebration. There's about 7 billion people in the world; there's enough fans for everyone.
Fashion Shaming
No more fashion shaming. This usually takes place pre- and post- award show and everyone's guilty of it - from casual viewers to bloggers to news anchors and gossip columnist - but it needs to shop. Not everyone's style is going to appeal to you, not everyone's style is for you - and that should be the great thing about fashion (that everyone can cater their style to fit themselves) - but you don't need to attempt to tear someone down just because you don't like her dress...or her shoes...or her hair...or how she did her eyebrows. If you see an outfit on the red carpet (or on the stage) that you don't like it, it's fine to say "Oh. I don't like that." It's not fine to say "The fuck is that stupid bitch wearing? Oh my god, look at the tasteless whore." If you don't like her outfit, don't fucking wear it.
Body Shaming
No more weight shaming...or face shaming or did-she-get-plastic-surgery or ohmygod-she-needs-to-get-plastic-surgery shaming. Remember a few weeks ago when Renee Zellweger dared to attend an event and every 'news' outlet spent a week talking about how "different" her face looked? What was that event even? Why was she there? Was anyone else there? Who the fuck knows? Because apparently, all that mattered was that a woman appeared to look differently one day than she had about a decade before. Let's stop with the Did she have something done? and the Has she lost weight? and every other horrid related thing.
Demeaning Comedy (Especially From the Host)
No more demeaning comedy. The weird thing about award shows is that the viewers are often a very, very diverse group of people. So let's stop with the 'comedy' that specifically sets out to make fun of, hurt, or minimize specific groups. 'Comedy' and 'humor' doesn't mean that someone has to get trampled on. A lot of great hosts manage to create a fun and enjoyable experience without resorting to demeaning comedy, so let's keep that going. Remember when Seth MacFarlane hosted the Oscars? Let's not do that again, okay?
Bitter Bitter
No more 'My fav didn't win, so obviously your fav didn't deserve to win either.' You win some, you lose some. We all have our opinions on who should win an award. One of the reasons there's voting for awards is because we don't all agree on who that person should be. Sometimes your fav wins the award. Sometimes someone else's fav wins. Them the brakes, you know. But just because your pick didn't win, doesn't mean that the person who wins was somehow undeserving. A lot (if not most) celebrities make a point to be gracious losers. That's one celebrity trait viewers should attempt to emulate. You can still think your fav should have one without being a dick about it, you know? Please, try that. Don't take away someone else's moment simply because it's not your moment.
*And a Bonus*
Please, no more "I don't watch award shows." If you don't like watching award shows, that's fine. Then don't. If you don't want to participate in award show blogging/watercooler chat, that's fine. Then don't. Not all people like sports, but we endure baseball and football and basketball and soccer seasons. Remember, as annoying as it to hear people who don't like to watch sports constantly talk about the fact that they don't like to watch sports, it's equally annoying for people who don't like award shows to constantly talk about how they don't like awards shows. (This applies to any number of things.) Don't be that annoying, tedious person who spend the whole season reiterating the fact that they don't have interest in award season.
**And One More Thing**
No more whining for Leonardo Dicaprio. While the internet world is mourning his not-win, he's out there dating beautiful, interesting women, and riding on yachts, and owning islands, and attending Coachella, and being worth over $200 million dollars, and generally living his wet-dream of a life. He'll be okay. I promise.
In other news, today I'm doing two DIY things:
1. Trying out a new cookie recipe that substitutes a little cream cheese in place of some of the butter. (The batter tasted marvelous. The cookie dough is chilling in the fridge right now.)
2. Trying out a DIY coconut oil deep conditioning treatment. (I've done the treatment, washed and rinsed my hair, and now I have to get it dried and styled to see if it makes a difference. Mostly, I'm hoping it helps with my dry scalp - which is only going to get worse as winter approaches.)
Also, Happy Second Week of NaNoWriMo! How are you all doing so far? Have you started posting your stories to the site (if you have definitely link me so I can add it to my to-read list)? Have you joined a writing group to help you along? Or have you used any of the threads in the NaNo forum?
NaShoWriMo
(like NaNoWriMo but for short stories)
(like NaNoWriMo but for short stories)