Eating Disorder.

There is one thing that I don't tell a lot of people about because I am ashamed of it and I hate myself for it.

But today when I got home after school I just started crying because even though I am trying to get better from my eating disorder I still find it hard. Like today in the morning I had a bowl of granola with soy milk in order to keep me sustained for the day and even though I was starving by the afternoon I refused to eat anything. And it wasn't until I got home that I started to get dizzy and almost fell to the floor, and I guess it just hit me, that although it not as bad as it used to be I am still hurting myself, I don't want to but sometimes I just can't help but to feel gross about myself.

There was a point where I couldn't even stand to be in a grocery store because looking at all the food made me sick to my stomach, it's not too bad now but in a way I still see food as the enemy, If that even makes sense.

I think the problem is that ever since my mom lost her job and I've been helping her out with money and what not I had to stop seeing my psychologist and I'm afraid that I will go back to how I used to be- eating a saltine cracker in order to trick my mind that I was in fact eating.

I just want it to be okay.