I want it back, I want it all back

I want my mom back:

-the mom that I coul always agree with
-the mom that I never argued with
-the mom that I had when I was five
-the mom that was home to have dinner with us
-the mom that never smoke, and the mom that never went through a 30 pack of beer in less than 12 hours
-the mom that I wasn't affraid to talk to
-the mom that I could cry infront of
-the mom that was there whenever I needed her to be
-the mom that understood
-the mom that was home when I cam home from school
-the mom that dosn't work the late shift as an RN that comes home at 11:00 pm and isn't too tired to laugh with when I get home
-the mom that pays attention to me when I'm phsycaly showing my problems to
-the mom that knew when something was wrong
-the mom that I thought I would have for the rest of my life
-that mom that I once thought was my hero
-the mom that showed emotion
-the mom that I used to have
-the mom that's always alive and there
-the mom that was there and was awake all the time
-the mom that wasn't always frustraited
-I want my mom to be there, and be alive, and the exact opossite of what I just explined.
-the mom that accepts me in every way
-the mom that I don't argue with over picture day

I know I'm being selfish, some people don't even have a mom, and it's like I don't either, I just wish that my mom wasn't a ghost anymore, that she was really there....and that she could accept me. Someone help me, I think I'm going insane.