Words.

Have you ever just felt so completely built up, like your life could go nowhere but up, and then you slowly realize that the reason it was building up so rapidly was because you weren't seeing all the things you should've seen? The things that blind you into thinking that your life is completely okay while really it is going south of nowhere. You really can't be mad at anyone but yourself because you didn't see all the things that you knew would lead up to it.
But there's a difference in it being a friend and it being someone you love, particularly the person you're with.
One minute you're fine. The next you're fighting. Then you're confessing your love. Then rescuing it.
It's so loud in my head right now. It's filled with words that I should've said.
I'm just slowly drowning in my regrets. Wishing I could take back the things I said and change them into something that would have made you stay.
Why did I care so much about my personal worth instead of telling you yours?
I'm just talking to myself and I know you can't hear me anymore.
I have so much to tell you. Some of the things I always wanted to say to you, but never had the nerve.
We were young and stupid. I haven't been all you could've hoped for, but if you'd held on a little longer, you'd have more reasons to be proud.
The longer I sit here, the louder the silence gets to me. I know you're gone but I swear the longer I give in to the silence, I hear your voice. I hear it when the wind blows.
Don't let me go down this road again. We both know where it ends. in a storm of feeling, it's so unappealing. I can't play these games.

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to let go of the things that I love way too much.

If you give up on me, then I give up on everything.

I'm at the point in our relationship where I'm a bit upset with myself. I remember back in the day when we started talking, I used to tell you such sweet and beautiful things really. Now I find myself struggling to manage everything life throws at me on a daily basis. So nows my chance to tell you. The way you make me feel isn't something I can just start explaining to you. It's something that's so big, but everyone can see it in my eyes. The way I look at your beautiful face every chance we see each other. I swear I've never laid my eyes on something so breathtaking until the day you ran to my car outside your dad's house and you jumped into my arms for the first time. In that moment, I knew that no matter how many fights or break ups we would go through, that single moments automatically beat them all. It's true we've been through a lot. A lot that people aren't aware of, but each time you or I push each other away, the amazing part it that we always find our way back. In the beginning, when a fight would break out, so would hell. Now when we fight it's the greatest thing because halfway through we usually just realize what dumbasses we are being and laugh at the fact we've even fighting. Lately when I'm alone thanking about it, I physically say out loud "wow I love my life" because it's the truth. Yes there are certain shitty things about it but I have the girl of my dreams. And if I have you, Brieanna Deas, then I don't need money, cars, or anything else in this world. I'm so scared of losing you, but we've grown so much into each other these past few months, I don't think anything in the world can break this bond. You are the most lovely, and gorgeous particle of the earth. You make the most unreasonable suggestions logical, just with a cute, cheesy little smile. You make my body ache when I'm at work and can't have you in my arms. You give my life a meaning and you're the reason for everything that I do. I'm in love with you, baby girl.
You're my one true soul mate.

You were put into my life for a reason, at a particular time because at one point in these past six, almost seven, years, we'd finally realize that reason. I never wanted to fall in love. Sounds stupid, but I never wanted to because I never saw a true display of love growing up that I saw admirable enough to shoot after in my own personal life until I grew up everyday with my grandpa. He put you in my life. Unlike some people abusing the saying "you're my saving grace", that was pretty much you.

I'm not sure why I'm trying so hard. Maybe I seem desperate, but truthfully, I am.

I could live and drown in your goddamn smile.

You're the only light I've ever known.

I want all of you. Forever. You and me. Everyday.

You're the only thing that I've tried this hard for. I've never tried this hard in my nineteen years of existence until the day I met you. That day forever sticks out in my mind. It's a day forever embedded in my brain as being the greatest thing that has happened to me. Forget being accepted to the college of my dreams or finding my true passion or seeing one of my favorite bands in concert. Yeah those were some pretty cool things, but nothing as cool as the first time I heard you say 'I love you' to me, in person. I just want to kiss you and forget that anything else exists. Baby, I know that forever is a long time.. and time has a funny way of changing things, but I can honestly say that these 7 years, 84 months, 365 weeks, 2,556 days, 61,360 hours, and endless amounts of minutes and seconds have not changed the way I feel about you or the love I carry for you on my sleeve.

You're so unbelievably lovely and you deserve the word.
That's what I've told you since the day we met.
When I uttered those words, I knew someday I would be the one putting action behind those words.

Nothing would be the same if you didn't exist in my life.
I just want you, that's all. all your flaws. smiles. mistakes. giggles. jokes. sarcasm. everything.
I want it all until the day I die.

You are the very first thought I have when I wake up, and the first thought I have before I fall asleep.

You do something to me that I can't explain.

You are my sunshine, Brie. My only one. And yes, you do make me happy when the skies are gray. You honestly will never know, dear, how much I love you. So please don't walk away..

I know that times are hard but it'll get better. I promise.

I'm ready for Asheville. I'm ready to ask you to marry me. I don't want to wait any longer.

I don't care what happens, something always brings me back to you.

I was your chance to get out of that town, but I ditched the car and left you to wait outside. I hope the air will serve to remind that my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath, and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest.

You're my first love, and you certainly will be my last.
You are everything.
I'm eternally in love with you. There's not much that can change that.

I love you, Brieanna Hope. To the moon and back. As tall as the trees and as wide as the seas.

Love, Mel.