Over.

Everything is over.
Everything is falling apart.

I'm about to loose my house. My job is going nowhere.
But worst of all...
My boyfriend is running off up north - Why? I told him to fuck off, and I meant it.
I can't believe it. I mean, he's only going for the weekend, but I need him now.

I just got the bill from my lawyer. I got denied legal aid because I couldnt give them paperwork that I didnt have. I'm now stuck with the bill. The case isnt even finished. The bill reads $1609. I don't have that...I can't even afford to pay my fucking rent. I havent eaten in two days already. I had $24 to my name ten minutes ago. After reading that letter - I went straight to the gas station and brought a packet of smokes. Because I can't handle this. I can't handle any of this. I can't even afford to get drunk, which is what I really need. I can't even run up north with my boyfriend, because I have to stay and look after the animals and my mum doesnt get home until later tonight - They're leaving this afternoon.

I wish I had never agreed to move back here - I took the easy way, thinking that my acceptance and ability to be nice would show the court I'm not a cunt. It backfired, and now here I am. My boyfriend will leave me before this is all over - I will push him away, I already have. My daughter will be taken from me. I will loose the only two things in the world that matter to me.

I told everybody this would happen. I told them that my ex would ruin me. Here I stand, proven right again - and everybody has run off.

I just feel...dead inside.
He's going to get my daughter and there's not a thing I can do to stop it.
I don't have the money to look after her anymore.
I don't have the support of my friends and family.
I don't have anything anymore.

I can't even get hold of my uncle - I know that's bad. But what else am I supposed to do? I can't let him take her, but now my last resort has taken off somewhere down south. My next step is the gang. I don't want to involve them - They always take things too far. I don't know what to fucking do about this. Everybody says the same thing: Get rid of him. But can I do that? Could I do that to a family - No matter how much pain they've caused me. How could I live with myself if my daughter ever found out? No. I couldn't. I couldn't do that to her.

Like I said, There's nothing I can do about it.
Nothing. No matter how much I want him gone, I can't.

Fuck.