Before I begin: I apologize if you think I'm whining too much (not that anyone reads this shit -_-). It's just been a very very stressful time and with Timothy (my laptop) dead, I have no where to vent.
Let's see....Well, Homecoming was....not as good as I hoped it to be. I went out to dinner with a large posse of friends, and we had a good time eating nothing but appetizers. We got to the dance, and at the beginning, it was somewhat awkward. So, I skipped off to hang with some of my other friends and had a blast. One of the slow songs came on, and a really sweet boy named Paul (whom I've known since kindergarten) asked me to dance. I said yes, to be polite. I couldn't and still can't see us going anywhere, but it was just a nice little dance. Well, after that slow song, I went out in the hall to call my mom when I saw a part of the group i came with. So i waved them down, and they quietly said (for I was still on the phone) "Shelby still likes Paul" and then the promptly walked off. I did NOT realize this at all. I had absolute NO prior knowledge of this. I felt horrible. So now, that entire group hates me.
One of my good friends, Ashley, invited me to her after-party. It was small, but fun. Her boyfriend and her had been dating for god knows how long and they looked so happy that night. This morning, Ashley walked past my locker an absolute wreck. Her boyfriend had dumped her last night. She was so upset, she was afraid to be alone, fearing what she would do. Yet, she wanted to go home, where she would be alone. She was such a mess, I almost wanted her to go home, until I realized that no one would be there with her. She went home anyway. I hope to god she is alright. (I would call, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be of any help this early)
I was absolutely frantic after school helping with literary. I was talking 5 miles a minute, helping kids left and right. ALL while in high heels. =_= Ain'ts I de smurtest?
I got home, finally, to finish my homework and relax. The phone rings, and it's one of my favorite cousins. We start with the usuall "How are you?"'s, but when he answered his, he said that he was at the hospital since 5 A.M. His 8 1/2 month pregnant girlfriend woke up this morning in a puddle of blood. No one knows why or where it happened. It's know 8 PM, and they still don't know. My usually composed, tough cousin was choking up on the phone I could tell...
I came to the cruel realization that I am nothing but a whore; a sex tool. I'm not ment to have 'girlfriends'. I'm only ment to give 'pleasure' to men, for I am no better than that...And the worst part of that it that no men like me -_- (oh, the irony!)
Oh, and I can't shade with an effing pencil worth CRAP! I used to be one of the best in art in Jr. High....now, I suck major monkey fuck. All because of that DAMN pencil SHADING!!!!
.....In short....*chokes back tears*....I need a hug...
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