Self-Loss vs Self-Gain

Some days I feel like I don't know who I am or what I'm about. Other days I understand perfectly, like I am just so confident in how I feel and so passionate. This past year has basically broke me and rebuilt me and I guess I am in the rebuilding phase still.

Like do I trust this person. Do I say these things. Do I love these things. I feel like I'm just stuck in a stupid loop. Bubbly, cold, bubbly, cold, bubbly, cold. There's just no happy medium.

Then I feel like I'm a really good person and I care so much about people... then I understand how so many people hate me because I am just such an awful person. I want to be the best me but sometimes I feel that means I need to isolate myself and just truly be alone for awhile. But I don't want to be alone and I love the company that I'm in?

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All I do know is the beginning of the year something big is going to happen. A major change within me and I'm afraid of what people will think - however at the same time, I know that I can't let people deter me from being who I am or meant to be.

If I lose more then that's just what's supposed to have happened. I'm not going to beg people to stay. I truly feel that 2015 is the year I'll fully spread my wings and just take off. And hopefully by doing so I will find my little niche in the world. If not - like I said in another blog - I'll just keep on keeping on. Not like I need a purpose - my whole purpose is just to live.

I've confused myself.

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December 3rd, 2014 at 02:33am