I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy when reality is I'm not happy at all. Every single day I put on a fake smile and go about my day like nothing is wrong. I don't want to keep doing that.
When I am happy something always finds its way in to bring my happiness down. I don't want to cry myself to sleep anymore.
I feel as if I'm alone. I feel like no one cares about me. I feel like if I just went away no one would even notice.
I've been having thoughts that I shouldn't be having. I haven't self harmed in almost two months and the urges are coming back. I try to push it out of my head, but something always ends up reminding me. I found myself earlier looking for a razor but couldn't find one... I was hoping I would ...
I don't think I can be strong anymore. I have been trying for so long and everything is just crashing down on me and I can't handle it. I don't know what to do. I don't want to continue and act like I'm fine when I'm not.
I can't describe how shitty I feel about myself.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sence or whatever its just I need some way to say how I'm feeling and this seem like the only way to get it out....