I Just Want Someone to Hear Me out and Help Me.

I don't know what went wrong. I don't know what happened. I am just unable to understand anything right now. One month ago was our eight year annirvesary and everything was going well. yes, I have some family problems but that was never an issue with my man. I spent Christmas alone. Yes, all alone because he told me he would come and stay with me and he stood me up all days.

On the 24th, he said he slept till night because he was too tired from the new six-hour work schedule. On the 25th, he went to see his niece and then a friend of his went to his house. Today, on the 26th, he went from morning till midnight to his niece again. He stood me up all days while the only thing he did was sent me a message saying I love you too, when I told him I loved him.

I called him earlier and he said he was bored and fed up with what we were doing till now. He wants his friends who make him feel good. Then what the hell was I doing? Why was he smiling and hugged me tight? Why did he always say how much he loved me and that I was the only one for him? WHY???

I am not sure if we are breaking up yet, seeing as he has his mobile turned off but I can't handle how I am feeling right now. All I can do is just cry and wish that tomorrow he will call me, I will see him and we will fix things, but the truth is I don't think it's going to work. His old best friend is back and he is bad influence, always had been ~ that was the reason why I was glad when he got a girl and stopped hanging out with D. D's my man for those who don't know.

I can't eat anything and my head feels like its going to explode. By the way, excuse my writing mistakes ~ I can't find it in me to edit this think or even double read. I just want to get everything out, hoping it will calm me down and I'll be able to sleep. Yesterday I slept for two hours because I was staring at my phone, waiting for him to give me a call to tell me we'll spend the day together like we were supposed to.

I stayed at home three days waiting for him, he made me pushed aside most of my friends and made me depend on him too much. I am stupid for doing it, I know - but now its done. And I feel alone, and I feel empty in this thing we call life. Yes, life is what we make of it and he fucked up mine. Half of the damage was done by me, and I didn't even realize it till now.

I don't know where I am going with thing I'm writing, I just want to stop thinking and write and write and write away till I can't feel anything anymore.