It Gets Better!

I remember the young teenager I used to be. I remember the bullying, the critics, the insults. I remember everything. I remember all those tears and those thousands sleepless nights.

I woke up every morning wanting to end it all. Every single day was a fight; a fight where I was alone against tons on people. They would make fun of me because I'm different. They would punch me, insult me.

I remember eating by myself. I had some friends, but they were too scared to be bullied that they barely talked to me. I remember people stealing my food or throwing it at me. I remember people laughing at me while all I wanted to do was to die.

I remember every single words. They would tell me how life would be better without me. They would tell me that I was an ugly and useless human being. I believed them. When I looked at myself in a mirror, all I saw was a disgusting and horrible girl.

One night, I tried to end it all. I jumped in front of a car, hoping it would be my last action. But the car saw me, and barely hit me. I went back home angry and sad. If I could not even kill myself properly, there was no way I would do something good with my life.

So I started to self-harm. I stopped talking to the few friends I had left. I let the bullies win. I let them control me. I thought it would never get better.

It's been almost three years since I ended high school, and almost the same amount of time of being clean. I still have my ups and downs, but I feel okay, I feel good. I searched for help, and it got better.

I'm now in University, studying to be a social worker. I have friends who love me just the way I am, the bullying stopped and I am more confident about myself. Sure, some people still laugh at me because of my looks, but I learned to not let it affect me. I am proud of who I am.

For those who are experiencing heavy bullying; you may think it will never end. You may think that you'll never get better. You may think about killing yourself, and I don't blame. But trust me, it gets better. You are never alone, I promise.