Travelling, Friends, Exams, Music

Moving away from the relationship and heartlessness thats going on Im going to write about some other things to take my mind off Amy, because frankly there isnt one minute that she isnt on my mind, and its killing me inside and its destroying my heart.

Travelling...
One person who has not left my side is my closest friend, Jamie, I wouldnt call him a friend, Id call him a brother... Weve known each other for around 14 years, weve been through school, weve been through college, weve been through fall outs, supporting each other in past relationships, and we are the closest friends you will EVER meet, he hasnt left my side and its only when I get back to my normal self that I will look back and think f*ck.... How incredible was that.
About a week ago now he said to me Jake... Lets get away, youre a mess and staying in Aberdeen would just drive me even worse and make me upset because Amy has kicked me out of her entire life.
I had booked a couple days off work anyway to go and see Jack in Newcastle, but me and Jamie both had time off...

One thing I have ALWAYS wanted to do, before the relationship, in the relationship, and now, is I have ALWAYS wanted to travel, I want to experience the world. I wanted to do that with Amy, because imagine travelling with your best friend aswell as your girlfriend and the person you love. Wow.
But the next best thing is doing it with your closest friend, we had a look at interrailing around europe, but we thought that 4/5 days wasnt exactly too long.

So we had a look at things and we both agreed on Amsterdam...
Now Im very anti drugs, so when I go there I cant say I will do drugs, I dont think I will... But who knows. I have no girlfriend, shes tore my heart apart so maybe drugs will help? I dont know.
If I were to do weed I dont think Id smoke it at first anyway, I would have some muffins or maybe have it on a pizza or something and take it from there.
Will I pull any girls?? I dont know... I honestly dont think so. My heart and mind isnt in the right place at the moment, I know Im a sex addict but right now that isnt what I want, I want Amy back, that isnt going to happen, so my priorities is fixing my broken heart, I dont know how because thats something I cant do on my own.

If I was very drunk and someone extremely attractive approached me then who knows, one thing I will NEVER lose is my high standards, I will never sleep with a troll for the sake of sex, I will only ever sleep with girls who I think are the most beautiful in the world, and in my eyes thats what Amy was to me.... I will NEVER lose my standards and my impressive record of sleeping with some incredible girls, and Im proud of that, long may it continue, whether it be with Amy again or another stunning girl.

I will be drinking alot, I dont really want to be sober in my entire time over there because sober thought at the moment is whats killing me. Going away with Jamie will help, it will make me happy and it will be a starting point to getting back to my true self, something I havent been for a very very long time.

Friends...
Its fair to say my friends have never left my side, not just one or two, but dozens, so many friends have supported me, talked to me every day, they know me and they can see my pain. They know I have the biggest heart in the world and they know that when Im hurt its bad. I cant thank any of them enough, from Jamie, Jack, Jordan, Alex, the other Jamie, and many others.
Tasmin has helped aswell, and Amy probably thinks there is something going on there... But no, it makes me laugh, I have and never will find Tasmin attractive so immediately that is a no go, shes a friend and thats all she ever will be, she cares for me, and people like that are rare, so you stay friends with them.

Exams.....
I have one tomorrow, and one on Wednesday....
The month Ive been through I always expected them to be f*cking tough, Ive tried to revise but even a stranger can see my mind isnt the right place at the moment. I will snap your hand off for a 40% pass if you offered it to me, but we shall see. If a re take is what its going to take then so be it, the old Jake was the most ambitious person you would ever meet, its slowly coming back...
But then it goes back to the relationship. Id rather have been ambitious and successful with Amy, together, instead of on my own. Blergh, thinks really do suck at the moment.

Music....
Every single day I listen to music, non stop, instead of TV I will be listening to music. Music is my drug, it makes me feel stronger, it can bring out emotion, and that is what music is supposed to do. Normally I would choose a band and stick to them like I did in the last relationship break up to just help me get through it, like last time it was Coldplay... This time its kind of Cage the Elephant. They help, they make me see the light at the end of this disgusting tunnel Im in.

One thing I will never stop doing is caring for her, she can hate me forever, she can want to kill me, but she was my entire world, and just like Jodie now I wont stop caring for them.
Shes torn me to pieces and shes torn my heart apart and hurt me more than anyone, and still I would give it another go because I love her, I truly love her even though a blind man can see that how she went about running away from a 9 month relationship was so wrong.

I miss her still.
I wish I was with her tonight.
But at the end of it all and whats most important is that I hope shes okay, because there isnt one minute where she doesnt leave my mind.

x