Because I'm Crazy

Before, I was so naive. So young, and innocent. I loved Nate so much, that even when I was hammered and a cute guy hit on me, I said no. Because I couldn't picture myself with anyone but him.

And now it doesn't matter who I love. It doesn't matter what I feel.

I've become this heartless bitch who buries all her feelings and only lives for herself. So what if I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend? He's never coming back. I don't care about morals anymore, I don't care about anything. I don't really care about myself.

I want to recover, I do. I want to become the best me that I can be. And in a strange way, I do love myself. I love myself like I would love a significant other, only we're in an abusive relationship. I piss myself off a lot, and sometimes I want to hurt myself, but I don't, because I love myself. I'm here for myself. I'm all I've got.

I just don't care about hooking up with guys, and getting drunk, and fucking around. I do what I need to do to keep myself sane, and sometimes that involves snorting shit up my nose and sleeping with some dude.