Zero.

Zero energy, even after three cups of coffee. Zero motivation, even though I was so ready to take on school last quarter. Zero concentration, even though I was so focused in my classes last quarter. Zero hope, even though I was looking forward to the future. Zero friends, because who would want to be around me, anyways. Zero done, zero destinations in life, just zero everything. I hate myself so much it hurts.

I've been trying to get myself to do my math homework all day. It is almost ten now and I haven't done anything. But I know that, if I don't get it done, then I will likely begin to slack off and not do homework in the future. And that can't happen. I can't let that happen. I'm panicking and I feel like shit, because I know I'm stupid. I'm just so upset tonight and I relapsed after months and months. I'm such a mess and math seems so unimportant right now. I don't want to deal with talking to the teacher, though. I can't I can't I can't.

But I can't breathe and I feel like my friends hate me. None of them are responding. And all I can think about is that I must have done something wrong. I must be a really shitty friend and person to be around. I'm not going anywhere in life and I feel so worthless tonight.

Usually I watch Ellen videos and I feel better. I watch Bunny (grav3yardgirl) and my day is at least a little brighter. But it's like nothing works anymore, I still feel like shit. Life is so meaningless. It's not even worth it to try.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. Like I'm all alone in a world that I am never going to fit into.