What's My Problem?

Okay so I haven't talked to her in days now and she already sent me two texts apologizing about hurting me.

She didn't really do anything, I over-reacted...

I wanted to read a new thing I had just written, and I was in a fickle mood back then and she kind of kept changing the subject so I snapped at her.

I bluntly asked her why she kept converting the topic, just like that. And I told her about how it hurts me when I am trying to display something from the bottom of my heart to the open and share it with her and she doesn't even care.

Finally, she said that she was sorry and told me to go on and she didn't mean it. So I held up the note and tried to read the first lines but I couldn't.
I just couldn't.
"Forget it."

"No, tell me. I want you to read it."

"No. Just forget it."

"Seriously Fatma read it. For me."

"No."

"For me? If I mean that much to you as your best friend you'd tell me. "

"No."

"Fatma?"

"I just don't wanna, alright? Forget it."

"Come on.."

"No." At the last line I was holding back tears. Yes, a measly conversation does affect me in that way.

She told me if I valued her as a best friend that I'd do it. And I said No.
Fuck .... I said no ...

I stated that she's not of importance to me.
Then she dropped another bomb.

She said that the reason that she doesn't read my stories here on Mibba after I tell her every time when talk is because she's jelous of me. That I can write better than her. That I always correct her grammar and make fun of her spelling. That she feels stupid when I use big words in our conversations.

So I decided I won't ask her to anymore.

And in the demented seas of my mind
Perfection mirrors on the lustrous surface
Shielding the waves colliding underneath

All reveals itself as she inserts her slinder fingers
And lashes with her tips slicing through the silver shine
Admiring the outside was never like peering at the inside

Reason never held back her actions
Bits of rapid questions and answers quarrel,
Nibbling on her cold tips before an unexpected piece disappear
A piece of her ignorance as a question was slain by an answer
Ever so mercilessly

Talent seeped through her spoken words
An unworthy match of the love she hid inside
Whilst her paper adorned words lacked so much in shape
But had so much in beauty
In meaning
In adeuqacy

Loose lips had sunken ships
But your closed ones had burnt planes
Sorry won't suffice
And neither will my apologies

Under my sea there is death and life
But under your sky there is you.

Don't question my flaws and don't dip your fingertips no further
If you're pulled inside
Swears will raise from your lips
And get tatooed to my ego
I have enough infected wounds
I have enough bruises
Enough breaks

Don't let me break you
Don't allow me to
For me?

ILY.