Two Sides of the Same Painting

Many people will experience waking up in a reasonably good mood and jumping on Facebook to have a peruse before officially starting their day. However, many people won't jump on Facebook for 5 minutes only to quickly regret having taken part in social interaction that day, online or otherwise.

Perhaps because what they thought was a light quip has been replied to with a passive-aggressive comment, or they've accidentally gotten dragged into a debate where it's impossible to please everybody.

...And one comment will grate on them for the whole day.

It will tie their insides in knots and send their brain whirring. "What must they think of me now?"

"If only I hadn't started..."

The other participants will have forgotten everything about it within a couple of hours, but not this person. The previous conversation gets replaced with a new conversation. A conversation between one part of their brain going f**king nuts, and the reasonable part of their brain telling the other to calm down, nothing is wrong...but the other part is nuts...it can't be reasoned with.

The problem with having two warring points of view is that you're constantly in the argument you don't want to have. Everything you try so hard to avoid just loops in a vicious cycle as your own head battles it out. On the outside, these people can look scarily calm, but this is a dangerous calm. It means there's no room for presentation because there's a storm going on behind their eyes. Unfortunately while this is happening, they are creating a huge amount of fuel, fuel for self loathing...Because they can disagree with themselves.

It is exhausting, being a reasonable, normal human being...watching over a nutcase destroy your body. How dare that nutcase be you.

Any other person with this particular brand of crazy will tell you, "The worst part is knowing that you're mad, and not being able to do a thing about it."

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On a side note, all the things I've listed make this a difficult subject to make understandable. I can only structure it so much before it loses everything it is about. I'm usually one for poetry, to get my feelings out, but this encompasses my everyday wars, everything. It's just far too jagged to romanticise through rhyme. Even this feels muted after the battle just to get it down on the page...and taking out a lot of colourful swearwords.