The problem I have with emotions is, I don't express them until it's too late and I burst into tears or I am left to my own thoughts at 3am and I lay there feeling empty and dead.
In the current situation, I have been inside a depression of sadness and last night, after nearly crying my eyes out for an hour after dressing myself up and and using my best makeup for a date, I couldn't bring myself to get out of the car because inside that building, where so many memories took place, the person I considered my best friend sat within those 4-walls, hating me and not wanting to be around me.
And I have no idea why.
I have speculation but nothing ever sprung as the true reason, because we never spoke, or have even tried to speak about it and I have no idea how to bring it up. She lives 5 houses down from mine and her boyfriend lives 2 streets over and I just want to know if she looks at my house and wonders what I’m doing when she passes it, the same way I look at her boyfriends when I see her car there.
I mean we have been best friends for 8 years and I thought that at that point nothing could break us from the feeling that we were best friends. But my heart breaks and kills me when I see her post things with her other friends because I’m her best friend and there are things I told and shared with her that I would not even tell my mother.
I guess I just can’t let go.
I’m happy for her if she felt that we weren't that close and she is happier with her new friends.
She was my little sister and true best friend.
And as I’m typing this, I’m crying because I really miss her and wish she would talk to me but I’ve kinda given up on the idea because it’s been months and not a word.
Not registered?
Create an account