My Addiction.

Addiction - the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its sensation causes severe trauma.

This is the definition of addiction.
Addiction is an odd thing to have.

The thing your addicted to becomes all you think about. All you want, you think its all you need.
Most of the time your wrong, and its just some head game your playing with yourself. But then there are those other times where the addiction is keeping you from going insane.

In my case, I cant determine which case I fall under. Because people try and put things in my head...what they think my addiction is.
They normally say things like, you'll grow out of it. Or, its just a phase...right.

That's why whenever I see my addiction all I want is to embrace it. To physically wrap my arms around my addiction would be impossible, and fills my dreams every night. To even touch my addiction...to feel it with me, will never happen.
My addiction. It keeps me from being completely alone all of the time. It fills my mind. Gives me hope,sometimes, even.

Then other times....I just want to smash it. Kill it. Make it non existent. To be no more.
But that would be like taking it away from me, and that is completely delusional.
I couldn't live without it. I know I couldn't.
Its my salvation.

My addiction, takes me away...far to where I want to be, rather than stuck in this head...this reality I have come to know. And deeply despise.
It takes me away, and I wish I could stay forever.... sadly once I think those thoughts...I'm pulled out and slapped in the face.

Its all I think about. It controls all my thoughts, some real but most are things I wish I could have with my addiction. Wonder. Wonder what it was like....way back when, with my addiction.

Most people if not all discourage my addiction. Loathe it since its what I talk about. And only it. No subject is safe from being intercepted and turned into a subject about my addiction. In my defense, its not my fault... I'm addicted.

Then some people, few and far between, think they understand how I feel about my addiction.

They don't. Trust me, only me, myself, and my mind know whats going on. That I'm obsessed. Out of control, impossible to save, no turning back, obsessed with my addiction.
They cant help.
I'll take my addiction any way it comes....as long as it comes. But it wont.
The sooner I realize this and accept it the better off I will be. But I wont accept it.

Its not coming.
I'm not giving up.
And you people dont understand me and my addiction. Stop trying.