The voices haven't stopped. The keeping fighting with each other then stopping, arguing, stopping. It's frustrating. I feel like others know. Like they see straight through me. I think they think I'm faking. I wish I was. Sometimes I do think I'm faking, but then I remember that its impossible to fake for an entire lifetime, and I definitely can't fake memories that I have. Sometimes I scare myself, to be honest. What am I doing? Talking to people in my head like if it was normal. Slipping up and letting them out.
My friend showed me this television show on Netflix today called United States of Tara. It's about a grown woman with DID and I can honestly say, I am terrified. I mean, the way she and I handle our personalities is just completely opposite, then again, she goes to psychiatrists and I don't soooo yeah. Maybe I'm handling it all wrong. Maybe I need to ask for help. Maybe they should come out. I'm just afraid of the consequences. I've never truly been okay with it. Maybe I need to learn. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I should just switch to autopilot. Let one of them handle my life for a while. Just not Amber. I don't want to come back pregnant lmfaooo.
Okay, I'll stop. Seriously though, they have not stopped since I left the hospital the day before yesterday.I had a massive panic attack. I don't know what happened. Since then, they haven't shut the fuck up. I don't know whether to talk to the psychiatrist or go back to the fucking hospital lmfaooo. How fucking sick right? It's getting harder to keep them inside. Melanie has just been giving me her fucking juju from her little dark corner and I've just been sad. I don't know. Sometimes I think they wear me. I am their mask. I am their vessle.
They all want out.
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