Oh, Lordy

So, I'm gonna blog about this here 'cause I don't really have anyone else to tell. Normally, I'd go to my friend Court, but if I opened up to her about this, she'd freak out and things would get awk.

Hokay, so I started working at this restaurant as a hostess, like, last month or whatever. Not long ago. There's six managers there and all of them are super cool (except one, but this isn't about him). Upon starting, I heard various things about one of the male managers that made him sound super shady-- things like being a super big flirt and kinda harassing some of the other girls who worked there.

However, he's been nothing but crazy nice to me. Not, like, friendly to the extent of discomfort, just, like, a nice dude, you know? And somehow, some way, in the past few weeks, I've sort of developed a bit of a thing for him because, apparently, I have a terrible taste in dudes. That, on top of some daddy issues, always has me crushing on older, untouchable men. Seriously, this has happened a couple of times before. It's fucking maddening.

Anyway, I've listened to a couple of the girls' "tales" about him and while I see him talking to the female servers all the time and listen to Court when she tells me about him blatantly telling her he wants to fuck her, or whatever, he has not once done anything even remotely disrespectful to me. In fact, he's only really complimented me on work ethic and my brain (the latter being a sure way to get into my good graces and then some).

And then I started thinking about it and began to get really self conscious. Like, even though I can't let it happen, I've been thinking like, "Well, why isn't he coming onto me? Am I not attractive? Am I just a hobbit in comparison to these other girls?" I talked to another one of the hostesses about it, probably the only other worker who's sorta brainy like me, and she figures it's 'cause he knows who he can pull that shit with and who he can't, which makes sense because he hasn't tried anything with her either.

So I can respect that and I'm glad that he doesn't see me as just another hole to try to get it into, but you know, still some insecurities in terms of body image.

Since he's been nothing but nice to me, I've been doing the same, bringing him an energy drink every day since I stop by the gas station to pick up one for myself. Just little things like that. Kindness for kindness, ya dig?

THEN I was talking to him today and something finally happened. It wasn't disrespectful or crude. Nothing like the stories some of the other girls have told me.

We were standing by the kitchens, talking about how tired we both were. I hit overtime for the first time in my working life, so I was totally pooped. He was all, "I saw!" and went on to thank me for helping out so much since we've been so shorthanded. Right in the middle of the conversation, he just reached up and moved a piece of hair out of my face and like uuuuuuuuugh. No one's actually ever done that to me before except for one of my exes.

It was a gentle movement and all I could do was just look at him and smile a little.

And neither of us mentioned it for the rest of the day. Like, that was that.

So, naturally, I'm in a tizzy. I hate the whole "he treats me differently from the other girls," bullshit 'cause hell if I know, but I can honestly say that I've never seen him do anything like that with anyone else who works there.

It was just really cute and I had to spill about it. If I said anything to my friend about actually digging him, she would go crazy. Like, she likes him and all, but she's always telling me about the shit he says to her and how she just thinks it's funny while being all "I'd never! Ew!" (which I think is a crock of shit 'cause she talks about him ALL THE TIME).

WHATEVER. Had to get it out. I've been grinning like an idiot all day because of it.

Sidenote: I broke the news to him that I was going to Huntsville in the fall and his face just fell completely. I felt really bad, but I'll probably still come back to work during Christmas break and the next summer and what not. He was like, "You just got knocked down a few pegs. You were almost perfect and now..."

Thoughts?

Heart eyes, motherfucker.