My husband's birthday is today, so naturally, he talked to his family (who lives out of state). He asked his mom how his dad's doing--you may remember me discussing his diagnosis with Stage IV lymphoma a few months back--and her answer was simply, "Not good."
My husband was afraid to push it, but he told her we were planning to visit them in the next couple months. She replied to that, "That would probably be a good idea."
I don't know what that means, but I'm worried it means he only has a few months left.
And it's not fair. Because I know that if his family was rich or had better insurance, we'd have more time with him. If they could afford the expensive treatments at the best medical centers, who knows? It might have been curable after all. But he was diagnosed in December and it was already bad then and we don't know if he's going to make it through 2015. And maybe he would if we just had the money for good treatments.
As it is, we don't even have the money to see them. We're trying to scrounge to get the money to go visit at least, so my husband can spend more time with his father. It's not fair that my husband is waiting for his dad to die. I'm scared and there's nothing I can do and we're struggling to see if we can spend one more week with him this summer and it's not fucking fair.
I wish I had the money to pay for the top-of-the-line treatments. I wish I had the money to be with him more often. I wish I had the money to quit my job and move to Ohio for a few months to help my husband's mom hold the household and the rest of the family together. I wish we didn't fucking need money in order to spend time with my dying father-in-law. Everything feels awful and I'm trying so hard not to cry because there are fifteen minutes left of my husband's birthday and I know he doesn't want to think about it right now but I can't stop thinking about it and everything is just so unfair and we're so scared.
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