Death and Hellos.

So I've been absent awhile from here. No one talks to me anymore which is fine. I've been inactive and attention doesn't fall from the sky. Life gets in the way, you know? I've been busier as of late with work and spending time with my cancer laden grandma.

Today I learned that my great grandma died. I am sad of course. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. I know I'll go to the funeral and just stand there silently staring at her coffin in a daze. I'll feel like the normal thing to do would be cry but I know the tears won't come. In fact, to others, I'll look like a heartless bitch with no soul because I don't appear to be mourning the loss of her.

I swear I'm not a bitch, though. I've always dealt with death differently and in my own way. One night later on when I'm alone and things are quiet, I'll think of her and her passing and probably cry like a baby and ask "why?" over and over.

I'm okay. I just have to deal with death in my own morbid way. It feels like closure more than anything. She was suffering so much and in the nursing home. RIP grandma Dean.