It Has Been Almost Two Months...

Since I left you.
Since I figured out that I can live without you. Without your presence. Without your abuse.
Since I discovered that I am worth so much more than you allowed me to believe.
Since I found out I CAN do this on my own. That I don’t NEED you for anything.
Since my anxiety started to fall away piece by piece, all thanks to your absence.
Since I started to discover what it meant to be genuinely loved, and valued by those around you.

But, oh! How you tried to convince me that I made a mistake. That things could change. That everything would be different this time. You tried your hardest to convince me with your sweet, poison-soaked words that you would NEVER put your hands on me again, or put me down. I’m just glad I saw through it this time. That I finally broke the cycle. And you were furious! You told me I could never make it without you. That you would see to it that I was homeless, and that you would make sure that my children were taken away, and that I would never see them again. You even stooped so low as to get your parents in on it; convincing them that I went to the court house to give our son up for adoption without your consent. You know, it’s funny how concerned they seemed about the situation, for their grandchild…until they realized that they could not use his existence to intimidate me, or make me doubt myself. Funny how even after giving them my phone number to arrange to visit with him…that I haven’t heard from them since. Or you, for that matter.
You would think that I would resent you for all of these things. You would like that, wouldn’t you? To know that you have poisoned my mind, and altered my future with your words and actions? But, that simply is not the case, my friend! I am actually quite glad you have put me through so much trouble…because I have learned so many more life skills, and so much more about myself in the process. I have learned to be grace under pressure, and mastered the art of the ‘poker face’. I have learned to pick my battles much more wisely, and to think much more thoroughly before I speak. I have learned my own self-worth, and what I will and will not tolerate when it comes to the way others interact with me. I have learned to stand my ground. How to defend myself in such a way that it leaves my attacker speechless. Instead of hurting me, my dear, you have helped me in ways that I could not have even imagined to be possible. I am more myself now than I have ever been in my entire life, and it is all because of you.
I know that helping me find myself was the furthest thing from what you actually wanted to happen. You came into my life and smashed me into pieces, hoping to conquer me completely to help ease all of the negativity in your own life. But in destroying the old me, you destroyed my insecurity, anxiety, and frailty, allowing me to rebuild myself as a stronger, wiser, and more courageous person that can stand on her own two feet. And for that, I will always thank you.