Is there no escape?

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

I'm soo emoty feeling. I have so much work to do. I have a German project due, which i didn't even start. I have to finish a bunch of math problems. And I can't focus at all. I just stop and frown, become empty inside. I can't stand to do anything. i feel sick and I just want to end everything, I mean i don't want to die, i just want drama to end, i want school to end, I want stress to end, and I want one friendship to end.

lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time of any kind

Like, i have this one friend, she's really great to hang out with, and she cool and all, but she just puts soo much drama in my life that I can't hold on too. I mean like, I hear rumors she saying this and another rumor she doing this, then when i comfort her about it she denys it. I mean, they're rumor's I shouldn't listen to them, it's just that they all lead to her. Seriously, if you don't say anything, and don't talk about anyone there won't be rumors about you say shit. She does some stuff, and some times I think she does it because she wants attention. She saids she does it because of her dad being mean, but I've met her dad, he's really nice. And i don't understand where this anger he holds on her is? It's not like she's nice to him either. She gives him mouth. I'd punish my child too if he/she mouth off on me.She also over reacts. If something happens when I'm not there, and she tells me about it, I'll think, "wow, that person that did that was really mean." then when I hear the whole story from three or two other people, I noticed she over reacted. I think she just wants attention, and I'm not the one to give it to her. She has a new friend, and I think that maybe a switch is in order. I don't know, I mean I'm one of her great friends, I just don't think I can talk this anymore. My life is already on the down side. She doesn't have to make it worse.

I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you know
when i figure it out

People say they understand how I feel. They think they understand how I feel, because they don't. You can never understand how much pain I feel. I can't control this pain, it comes and goes. But it stays often. It's an empty pain, like all I want to do is break into tears and cry. Then the pain leaves and I enjoy my life, become clingy with friends and fun. Then I'd get mad, annoyed and angery. But this pain eats away at my happyness, like diease. And it hurts me so, I can't smile with out an automatic frown. You can't tell me you feel the same, because I doubt that. So don't say, "aw, i think how you feel, blah blah blah.." that a full load of shit. I don't want pitty either, I don't want you guys to cheer me up, cause thats not going to do anything. I'm just going to read it and shrug. i think I'm bi-polar, or depressed or something!!!! And I need help. Serious help. I'm going to the shrink this week, some time. I don't know when, but I am.

I need a savorNot a helper
I need a friendNot an attention whore
I need a buddyNot a pitty pal
I need some one to hold meNot me holding you
I need loveNot giving it

Whatever:
Jen Jen