No updates lately. I'd like to blame work and it's probably a part of it, but more so I've just been depressed. I thought getting out of town would help settle my mind, but it seems it's just gotten worse.
I'm not even sure when the depression hit me so hard. It's getting worse though. I feel like everyone hates me. I can't speak very loud half the time. It's like a strain on my voice. It physically hurts to talk.
I feel like the world's dumbest f**kup almost everyday. The thought depends in my head when people snap at me or called out on things like being unable to reply to a Facebook post because I had no data to post it. That's a long story I'm not even sure I want to go into.
I'm always broke. I pay my bills but I'm always broke. Sometimes I'm late on them but I pay them.
Being with my boyfriend, just hanging around him hasn't helped me either like it used to. I just want to lay down and cry until I pass out.
Honestly, the absolute worst thing of all this is that lately I've grown suicidal...the thoughts are there. I've tried talking to my mom about me going to a therapist. She doesn't want to talk bout it. I can't even afford a therapist. I know my insurance won't cover it. I have cheap walmart insurance. Always low prices, huh?
I haven't hurt myself. I've only thought about it.
Haven't talked to my boyfriend about it because I don't want him to worry. Haven't talked to my roommate/cousin because he has his own issues right now. He's not a very good listener anyways. And I haven't called a suicide hotline because I hate being on phones. I can't hear well and people sound garbled over phones. So I thought I'd do this. It's kinda helped a bit. Just typing.
Not registered?
Create an account