Beautiful Anger

This month has been full of highs and lows. But I sit here right now and feel good. Through these small obstacles and bouts of anger and anxiety, I am learning. I am learning how to cope with such confusing emotions. I see the bigger perspective and I know what is wrong with the picture, and sometimes I just laugh. I laugh because these problems are so small, and they actually help in the long run. Without these problems, I would not know how to deal with bigger ones in the future, would I? I would not grow wise.
In the past couple of weeks I have experienced anger, which is an emotion that I have never really had much of. I have been expressing it more, sometimes in the wrong direction and undeserved. And then I would feel guilty. Deep shame for just... showing people my vulnerability. That's all anger is. It's showing people your hurt or worries, disguised as something ugly. I've been thinking about it, and it really isn't something to be ashamed about, is it? As long as I'm not attacking anyone or anything personally, which I have not been, then it's okay. A little bit if anger is okay. Just as long as it's not every day all the time. Everything in moderation.
I am getting in touch with my inner fire. I am Earth, a caregiver. I am exploring the mountains nearby with the spewing volcano ash. To be human is to have emotions. It is beautiful. Anger is beautiful.
I vaguely recall from a psychology class that anger is also one of the steps toward self forgiveness. So maybe I have finally surpassed depression and the other stages. My anger is me coming alive again!
I also remember the ego and how young children don't hide their anger. If they want something, they get mad and let it be known. As an adult, we learned to cover up these wants and feelings. But it isn't healthy to cover it up completely. I try to be perfect, to be understanding about everything, but it hides who I am... it suppresses my soul, and I hide... this anger felt strange, but really it has always been there, waiting. My worries and pain... it needs to be set free. It IS freeing. Just getting angry at the people whom I trust the most to let me be angry. Society tells us anger and sadness are bad, and we need to be happy. But all emotions are precious. We can never be happy all the time. But letting my anger go is making me happier.
Emotions are so fascinating. We give them words, but really, they're just.... how we feel inside. I feel like... anger is when we are so passionate about something that we feel like we can change it, or we want someone to do something about it... but sadness is when we accept that we can't do anything, and we cry. Crying is beautiful also. This society needs to accept these emotions better. I hear that in other countries, it is normal for people to say they are not okay when asked if they are, even by strangers. Whereas here in the U.S., everyone is expected to say everything is fine. But the times I have felt the closest to people have been when I've been angry or sad with them.