Dezza's Blog V 1.3: Relationships

Today I'm going to talk a little about my current relationship issue, cause I'm curious to see input from others. Also, because it helps me emotionally to talk about it. So, here goes.

My issue is, I'm monogamous and my boyfriend is polyamorous. As a little clarification for those unfamiliar with the terms, I'll explain. Monogamy is when you're content to be with, and only want to be with, one person. Just the two of you, no one else. Polyamory, or polygamy, is when you want to be with more than one person, whether on an emotional or physical level.

Which is why I take issue on his polyamory. He wants an emotional relationship, like the one he has with me, with two other people. Two people he also loves. Knowing he loves them doesn't bother me. Knowing that he wants to act on those feelings, and that being unable to act on those feelings makes him depressed and anxious, bothers me.

Part of me, whether it's just my monogamous mind or the jealous eating away at my insides, makes me feel like I'm not enough. Though, he has plainly stated it's not a matter of being enough or not. He knows I can't help the way I feel, any more than he can help the way he feels. It's still a messed up situation, one that causes me a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression of my own. Another part of me desperately wants to find a solution to make us both happy, without anyone suffering emotionally, but neither of us can come up with anything.

He wants to be with them in the same way he wants to be with me, and as soon as I try to entertain the idea, my mind and heart come screeching to a halt. All I can think is, "NO." I'm emotionally not okay with it. Really, if he said it was to fulfill physical needs that I couldn't right now (it's a long distance relationship), I would be 100% more open to this. I understand physical needs, I have them myself. However, he's asexual, and it's not physical. And I just can't bring myself to be okay with him sharing his heart, or potentially his future, with anyone else.

Enough of my rambling. Tell me what you think of my issue, or tell me some of your own. I'm welcome to any input that could help me find a happy medium with my love, and I'm also willing to listen/read your issues. I may even try to cover them in my next blog. Ta-ta for now!