Kate: (with Claire and the other cheerleaders at the pep rally) U-G-L-Y! You ain’t got no alibi! You ugly! Yeah, yeah, you ugly! (Lizzie looks shocked) U-G-L-Y! You ain’t got no alibi! You ugly! Yeah, yeah, you ugly!
2, 4, 6, 8! Who’s the girl we love to hate?
Lizzie, Lizzie… Bi-i-i-ig Loser! Loser! Big Loser!
********************
Kate: What’s your email, Lizzie? lizzie@biggiantloser.com?
Gordo: Could you say that one more time for the camera, Kate?I’m trying to cast the part of the bitter, talentless girl.
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Sam: (to Lizzie) You really grew up in middle school. Look at all the things you tried. Running for Class President… rhythmic gymnastics… you helped save the environment… and you got your first job.
Lizzie: Yeah. And, Dad, I failed at all of that stuff. I mean, I got fired… I hated rhythmic gymnastics… I didn’t win the election, and I didn’t save the world.
Sam: Yeah, but you tried. And the only time you really fail, honey, is when you don’t try. I think you’re going to do just fine in high school — really.
*****************
Lizzie: Gordo, shouldn’t you be listening to Britney Spears?
Gordo: Why?
Miranda: Because that’s what normal people listen to.
Lizzie: We don’t want people thinking that you’re weird.
*****************
Ethan: (steps in and stops bully Vince from tormenting Lizzie and Miranda one step further on the bus) Yo, Vince. Give it up.
Vince: Yeah, OK.
***************
Gordo: You guys are never gonna guess what came in the mail for me the other day.
Ethan: A new skateboard. Food. CDs. A cell phone. Money?
Gordo: Hmm, kind of. A credit card.
******************
Miranda: (sarcastically) Great. A pop quiz.
Gordo: (sincerely and excitedly) Great, a pop quiz! I love the smell of pop quizzes in the morning.
Angel Lieberman: What planet are you from again, Gor-dork?
**********************
Angel: Hey, Frizz. Did you get the answers for the test from Gor-dork?
Lizzie: OK. A: My name is Lizzie, not ‘Frizz’. B: Gordo’s no dork. He’s one of my best friends. And C: I don’t cheat.
**********************
Officer: Matt McGuire?
Matt: (in a James Bond accent) No. No Matt McGuire here.
Officer: (looks down at his notes) ‘Bond, Matt Bond’?
Matt: (sighs) I guess the jig is up.
*********************
Lizzie: Hey, I thought you were gonna be at the dance.
Gordo: Well, my best friend wasn’t gonna be there. So, why would I wanna go?
*********************
Lizzie: Aren’t you guys supposed to be at the dance?
Ethan: Oh, Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. Since you couldn’t come to the party, the party’s coming to you.
Lizzie: I don’t know what to say.
Ethan: You don’t got to say anything. Just show me where the stereo is, and I’ll crank some tunes.
*********************
Kate: (about her cousin Amy) Mom, they pushed me into my own cake. They didn’t even sing ‘Happy Birthday’. She used my birthday party to invite all of her friends.
*********************
Gordo: So did Matt get in beaucoup trouble?
Lizzie: Total. Grounded for a month, no TV and no phone. And the best part is, he’s got to keep a solid ten feet away from me at all times.
Miranda: Yeah, but meanwhile, everyone at school is still talking about him.
Gordo: Yep, nothing says “cool” like getting arrested — especially at school.
*********************
Lizzie: Is this the party you wanted?
Kate: I wanted a few friends for movies. But my mom said I should have a grown-up party, and then she left town. So, I’m stuck here with a hundred of my cousin’s closest friends.