Pressure and Obscurity

pressure
I put a lot of pressure on myself sometimes but at the same time I don't give a shit. I just expect myself to do this shit and it stresses me out a lot but then I realize at the same time it doesn't fucking matter so it pisses me off even more that I let it bother me. Everything is just a star.

obskeritee
I push myself so deeply into esoteric topics that it totally alienates me from others. Once you delve so deeply into obscure topics, it's hard to go back to just caring about superficial shit. Why would I care about fucking makeup or fashion or boys when I know that the elite people in control of the world are trying to push that shit on me because they want to promote patriarchal values so that I will hate myself, will ignore their agenda and focus on that meaningless shit, so that I will be so desperate for approval I will do anything, etc.? Yet, the only thing I get true enjoyment out of is learning about occultism and discovering new shit, researching shit etc. Even with music, I go so deeply into the most fucking obscure bands. I end up looking up bands who existed for 6 months in 1981 and released one single, google the shit out of the band, end up on the drummer's niece's twitter for hours trying to find out info on them or something. Sometimes I feel frustrated that people around me are so ignorant of the stuff that I'm into, but then how could I expect them to know about this weird shit?