End of Culture Month + Near the End of College

Whew, Mibba's Culture Month Event is officially over! I'm a bit disappointed that it's over as it's really given me the chance to share one of my main cultures with others. It's also been a bit of an eye opener because I had to share things about my particular culture that is pretty much common knowledge for us here in the islands. At times, I felt like I was sharing dummy info because it seemed too obvious, but I realized that the things I shared weren't exactly things the rest of the world knew. This fact saddened me a bit, and I don't think I'm quite ready to let go of the culture talk just yet.

You may see some of those types of blogs cropping up on occasion! Keep an eye out for those!

Moving along, as the upcoming semester approaches, the realization that this will be my last semester before transferring is finally starting to hit me. I can't believe it's almost that time already. It feels like it's been both an extremely long time coming as well as far too quick.

I just recently checked my transcripts (those things make me so nervous, ugh), and by the end of the upcoming semester, I will have earned a total of 62 credits. Of the 15 classes that I've received credits for already, I've got 12 As, 2 Bs, and 1 D (math was so hard and fast paced, my little first semester self who decided to take five courses couldn't handle it). I'm both proud and disappointed in myself in regard to my grades. Granted, they're far better than what I maintained in high school simply because I actually care about my education now (in contrast to my teenage rebellion, if we can call it that).

I've worked hard, and I honestly feel like I've grown so much academically and personally, which I'm proud of. On the other hand, I feel like I could do so much better. I mean, those Bs and D are kind of... a disappointment on a personal level.

I know there's no real reason to be disappointed, but I've always felt like the lesser sibling. I know it's never been the intentions of my parents or any of my family members to make me feel this way, but I've always felt like the dumb one. Any time I've ever added my input on political, societal, or historical discussions or debates, I've always been brushed off or ignored. I've only ever been addressed directly when it comes to pop culture because I'm apparently the know all of celebrities. Now, I'm not ashamed of my interest in pop culture or any of the things that people shame girls for being interested in, but I'm so much more than that, and I want my parents to see that.

That's why I'm so bothered by the lower grades I've got. I feel like it does nothing but reinforce in my own mind that maybe I am the lesser one, the dumb one. I feel good because now I'm actually putting time and effort into my education instead of slacking and hanging with friends, being exactly what I felt my parents expected me to be. Yet, I still feel like I've got something to prove. I know I don't, but I just don't want to be the dumb one that gets ignored anymore.