"Tell Me About It."

People of The Internet,

I decided to start writing to you again. Well, it's probably going to be more whining for the time being. I don't want to get into too many details; just want someone to tell me I'm not alone, I suppose. That they're going through the same thing.

Currently, I am 21 years old. I'm attending music school and will be a senior this fall. I'm dating the drummer of the most favorable band on campus who is my same major and says he wants to marry me someday. I'm working toward my dream of producing and being a mixing engineer everyday and am doing well in school.

Sounds perfect, right?

I don't know. I guess I'm just filled with leftover teen angst or something. I'm stuck in this miniscule town. I have virtually no friends anymore because my boyfriend doesn't like any of them. He's basically a pro in the field I'm trying to get into and is teaching me the ropes. I pretty much feel like I can't do anything without him. Can't as in, I wouldn't know how but also can't as in, not allowed to.

Part of me feels like a douche for coming on here and talking shit on him when none of you know the whole story. The thing is, I'm just getting really tired of telling it. And I'm tired of holding in all my feelings and feeling guilty for feeling them. (Did you get all that?) The thing is, the people who know the whole story tell me what I'm sure those of you (if you exist) who are reading this are; what a jerk.

To be clear, I don't think he's a jerk. In plenty of ways I think he's fantastic. But the phrase 'emotionally abusive' has been thrown around a lot by people who are looking at it with possibly clearer eyes than my own.

And I'm starting to listen.

But don't be fooled. I can't do it. I love him, is the thing. I love the good stuff. But I'm tired of feeling depressed and lost and guilty for things that I should never feel guilty for. It's a fine line, I suppose. It's just that sometimes it feels more like a cage.

'Marriage' is also thrown around a lot. And 'forever.' All I hear is 'pressure.'

Anyway. If you followed this super vague and probably really confusing post, tell me about your life? Is it great? Does it suck? I just need someone to talk to. Someone I'm allowed to talk to. Tell me about it.